It's so close, yet so far. Tonight I have to pack for my little vacation in Salt Spring, which I'm hoping will allow enough time and weather moderate enough for some great picture taking. I'll only be gone for a few days so in an effort to travel light(er) I have decided to leave the computer at home. I'm already lugging around five thousand pounds of photo equipment so why bother with a computer especially since I will not have access to high speed internet. I will be entirely without my umbilical cord. At this point I'm not sure how I will survive. Perhaps with the support of my family and friends I will get through my four day internet hiatus.

But who am I kidding. I won't have time to go online and do anything anyways. Any spare time I have from the festivities I plan to use taking pictures.

I am told that the Winter Solstice will occur twenty two minutes into the morning on the 22nd of December. This is a momentous occasion for me because I have been struggling with the ever shortening days of winter. It's a bit premature of me to be thinking about spring and summer when Christmas is only a few days away, but I can't help but think about the beautiful sun and how I used to try to avoid it. Everything in moderation though. I need some sun. I spend all day working in a windowless office which is currently more dimly lit than usual because I have been working from the ambient glow of the string of coloured Christmas lights given to me by my office Secret Santa (who also generously gave me a coloured slinky and Transformer). When I walk home in two hours the sun will already be gone, but at least I can rest assured that there will be a few minutes more of sunlight everyday after the solstice.

and that concludes today's "coffee" break.

Despite attempts otherwise, I have not successfully completed a blog post in months. I would like to blame the weather, but really the culprit is my internal editor - which has been a force to be reckoned with over the past few months. There was a cold snap or two that I had to deal with and the shortened days and the general wintertime dreariness (walking to and from work in the dark is never pleasant). I feel like I haven't accomplished anything worthwhile in months. I haven't been as creative or productive as I would like to be. My fault of course.

I'm a little grinchy this morning.

Walking to work this morning, tightly bundled up in my coat, scarf and toque, I thought to myself... it's not that cold outside. I can put up with a winter like this, it's only temporary after all. But that made me think even more... How often does the state of temporary turn into something more permanent? I currently work in a job that I don't mind most of the time, but also a job that I usually don't see myself doing in the next 10 years. When I got my job I was excited about the prospect of having a job, having that regular pay cheque that would pay for my rent and all the other bits and bobs that I could come up with to spend my money on. This morning I really don't like this feeling of temporary. I would like to feel more attachment to what I'm doing. I spend my days at work telling people to look for work that is meaningful for them, but at the same time balance out their other responsibilities. It pains me to have to say that we would all like to work in jobs that were personally rewarding, but sometimes it's just not possible in the short term. I always encourage people to apply for positions that could be considered their dream job, although not everyone knows what that type of job would be. I know what I want to do though... and it certainly isn't what I spend my days doing. It's interesting that I work in a position where I am employed to help other people find employment. To some degree I work with people to assess their skills and their career goals... I try to find realistic ways that they can pursue work that will not only allow them to survive financial but also make them happy. As I sat in a professional development session last week my mind was churning with possible business strategies and potential prospects that I could pursue with my photography. While sitting in that cold ballroom I told myself that there would be no more putting things off... photography work wasn't just going to fall into my lap. In order to get noticed I would need to take more photographs... something that I haven't been doing as much as I should.

I don't usually get to the level of frustration where I want to stomp on my computer (it's not good to blame the technology that feeds me), but tonight is one of those nights. After spending a fair amount of time in the past couple weeks laying out a beautiful photo book, I tried to upload my book so that it could be printed only to face failure each of the nearly twenty times I tried. I thought maybe it was my wireless connection... then I thought it might be my computer. No, no, no... The Apple rip off software made by My Publisher had one fatal flaw, it let you lay out lovely books, but it refused to let you buy anything from them. So only solution is to redo my photo book using another program. I'd love to be able to use iPhoto but their large hardcover options do not have a nice cutout instead only an ugly sticker. And I really wanted to do hardcover for this book.

Grrrrrrrrr... I'm more than a little upset by this whole situation. I was being so productive with my photo work, and now I feel like all the work I completed in the last couple weeks has gone to waste. Curse you My Publisher... despite your snazzy looking website you've lost a potential customer thanks to your non-user friendly upload service.

New blog header a result of a couple minutes work with brushes courtesy of this site. Fabulous stuff here...

Every morning as I walk to work I come up with any of number little interesting tidbits that I tell myself that I'm going to blog about. Then I get to work and become caught up in the tasks that are involved in my happy little job. I don't take the traditional coffee break, so I constantly tell myself that I'm going to spend ten or fifteen minutes of my morning doing something non-worked related in order to prevent eventual boredom or frustration with work. Should anyone question me I might put my hand to my lips, with my fingers in such a way as to mimic the holding of an imaginary cigarette. If they look at me funny I'll tell them I'm on my smoke break, causing much confusion which should keep them from bothering me for at least a couple minutes.

I am happy to report that I have managed to accomplish at least a few things in the past couple of months while neglecting my blog. I've unpacked all of my boxes and found places to stuff most of my clothes... I've found gainful employment near my yuppie residence... and I have the first version of my own personal photography site up www.raffaellaloro.com (thumbnail shot courtesy of websnapr.com). I still have some changes to make, I used Dreamweaver which has left some extraneous bits and pieces here and there and my copyright symbol is not showing up, but otherwise everthing is as it should be.

In other news, yesterday evening the beau and I got on the topic of pets... and I mentioned how when I was young I never really wanted a pet. I was afraid of dogs and unlike the beau I did not grow up with an unnatural fondness for felines. I did like elephants though, I'm not quite sure why... perhaps I just wanted to pick a different animal from my elementary classmates or because I was enchanted by a National Geographic documentary that we had borrowed from the library. While going through my RSS feeds this morning I came across a fascinating article in the NY Times about species-wide trauma and the fraying of the fabric of pachyderm society, An Elephant Crackup , by Charles Siebert. It's rather long, but worth the read. I've been telling my coworkers about it all day.

An excerpt:

In "Elephant Breakdown", a 2005 essay in the journal Nature, [psychologist Gay] Bradshaw and several colleagues argued that today's elephant populations are suffering from a form of chronic stress, a kind of species-wide trauma. Decades of poaching and culling and habitat loss, they claim, have so disrupted the intricate web of familial and societal relations by which young elephants have traditionally been raised in the wild, and by which established elephant herds are governed, that what we are now witnessing is nothing less than a precipitous collapse of elephant culture.

and that folks, is the end of my imaginary cigarette break.

I got tested and the diagnosis is in...

Modern, Cool Nerd
78 % Nerd, 52% Geek, 17% Dork For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd.

Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)!

Second week of my new job, quite tired as I've been slowly readjusting my body to these early mornings. But that's really nothing new and exciting. I'm enjoying my new position, it's similar to work I've done in the past and it's a positive work environment. Having a job now fills me with a great sense of relief. It's frustrating not to be getting a regular pay cheque to pay all those bills that seem to be forever arriving in the mailbox.

This morning seemed to be the first official day of fall. I sensed that it was coming yesterday as there was a chill in the air when I walked home. Today as I strolled through the rain with my flimsy umbrella that was ready to snap as soon as a strong wind came along. Luckily for me though, the walk to work is quick and painless with relatively no traffic. I work on the edge of downtown by the Legislature, near the river. It'll be really pleasant in the summer as I'll be able to eat my lunch outside, watching the steady stream of traffic going across the High Level Bridge. Of course my office has no view of all this... I look out into the hall and listen to the sounds of construction going on below me in the parking garage.

I feel so domestic right now... the bohemian in me is temporarily dead.

The weather keeps on reminding me that the summer is coming to an end. This saddens me, because in a way I feel like I didn't get enough summer. At least this past weekend and week has been eventful. In addition to the much needed job search, I was able to take in two shows at the Fringe Festival... one being The Return of the Tenors and the other being the much hyped Finer Noble Gases. I enjoyed one a lot and the other one not so much. One involved faux performances of Placebo Domingo, Jose Whocares, and Luciano Papparazzi. The other involved an underactor, an overactor, an okay actor, an extraneous actor, an underdeveloped actor and a prop that fell apart. I challenge you to guess which one I liked more.

Aryn and I managed to find an inexpensive desk chair to solve our seating needs in the short term. He was using a remnant of his university days, yellowed not only from age (it was yellow to begin with), and it was starting to tilt in unergonomic ways. Prior to the purchase of this new chair (which really is nothing to report about) I was using a purple balance ball, which was great for short periods of time in front of the computer, but when I was doing any kind of extended editing work, the lack of back support began to get to me. Besides, WCB recommends that workers do not use a balance ball for their primary desk chair as it does not have the following features:

• A stable base (i.e. a five prong base)
• A backrest to support the curve of the worker’s back (lumbar support)
• Adjustable height
• A seat that tilts forwards and backwards
• A comfortable sitting position
• Where required for work tasks, the ability for the employee to be able to freely swivel from side to side

But don't take my word for it, you can read about it here

Anyhow, my point is that I have been able to get a lot more done in front of the computer in the past couple days since the most recent addition to my furniture family. The yellow chair has now been removed from the apartment... and the balance ball will return as my seat every once and a while.

However my bed is calling me. Just because my chair is comfortable doesn't mean I need to spend all night in front of the screen.

something I overheard today.

girl: "I prefer platinum over yellow gold. I think I'd like a platinum ring."

boy: "Are you crazy? Platinum is much too important in the construction of space vehicles to squander on a ring."

It's official. Romance is dead.

After several weeks on the road I have returned to Edmonton and I am becoming reaquainted with the festival city and the kitchen cupboards in my apartment. I've been busy looking for work, editing photos from the various shoots that took place while I was away, assisting Aryn with a work related project... and watching my share of tv. It has been excellent to reunite with my chum of all chums who I had not seen for nearly a month. Tonight was most enjoyable... as the chum and I went for a walk to the University for some eats and then strolled along the avenue that is Whyte to the Fringe area where we briefly took in some sights before the rain shooed us into a nearby establishment at which they serve food and beverages of the medicinal kind. We indulged in some good and clean fun, shooting the breeze if you will... and generally trying to make a scene, speaking in vibrant tones with plenty of hand gestures. Let me tell you, it was brilliant! I did just what I was always instructed not to do, which is laugh like a hyena, but I had a plenty good time. I would even say that it was jolly good. The beau is off for the weekend in the woods, whooping it up with 17 of his closest friends' friends, so my plan for the duration of the weekend is to take in some more Fringe events and hopefully, fingers crossed, go for a session of photographing with my model muse. We shall see.

I'm off to bed. I'm trying to wean myself off this insomnia kick, so once again, fingers are crossed.

Here I am with one successful wedding shoot down and my tummies a grumblin, it could be from all the chicken noodle soup I ate for a snack earlier tonight but I'm going to chalk it up to the bad movies I watched this weekend featuring Matthew Modine. Saturday evening my mom and I sat down to watch Modine star in The American an Exon Mobil Masterpiece Theatre production of the Henry James novel... just a weird show that felt too short but it was probably long enough considering how bad it was. Tonight I watched the terrible but yet visually interesting Transporter 2, which by chance also happened to feature Modine in yet another forgettable performance. I will admit that I enjoyed the first Transporter movie (as in The Transporter) for it's high element of ridiculousness, but this second movie was even more ridiculousness than that. However, the movie was the perfect backdrop for my faux director's commentary which made for an enjoyable end to my "vacation"...

I must be off to bed however... if I am careful not to move my stomach does not hurt as much. I need my sleep tonight for I must be up early to pack up my things before heading back to the city. I was a little worried this morning that my camera and other assorted electronic equipment would not be allowed on board, but it seems that for the time being I should be able to unless something happens over night.

As I get older, more and more of my friends are becoming property owners... purchasing condos or full fledged houses on varying sizes of lots in various locations across the country. I've been roaming between a number of different residences for the past few years, none of which I was particularly fond of or exclusively mine. I've always wondered what kind of home I'll end up with... especially when I'm considering my career path and believable financial situation. I also get caught up in photos that I see in magazines or particularly spectacular homes that I might see on television... and then it becomes a question of whether or not I would want to buy a pre-existing home or go in search of some undeveloped lot that is convieniently located near all the amenties and has access to high speed internet (especially important). If you think of the labour that's involved in planning where you want to live... well, it becomes absolutely mind boggling.

Recently at the Vancouver Art Gallery I saw the travelling exhibit from the Walker Art Center for Some Assembly Required: Contemporary Prefabricated Houses. It was a rather interesting exhibit, worthwhile visiting if you are at all interested in residential architecture. The art gallery had this description of the exhibit on their website.

Using the latest technologies and innovations in building systems and mass customization, this new era of “prefab” is changing long-held preconceptions that such houses are cheap and homogenous. Some Assembly Required: Contemporary Prefabricated Houses profiles the work of eight leading designers in the field: Alchemy Architects (Goeffrey Warner, Josh Capistrant, Tomas Weitzel, Shayne Schuldt, Lewis Colburn), Lazor Office (Charlie Lazor), Marmol Radziner + Associates (Leo Marmol and Ron Radziner), Michelle Kauffman Designs, Pinc House (Göran Aldvik, Johan Lionell, Maria Rutensköld), Resolution: 4 Architecture (Joseph D. Tanney and Robert L. Luntz), Rocio Romero and Steve Holl.

Decidedly contemporary in style, their newly-built houses reflect a range of approaches, from a kit of parts for self-assembly and factorybuilt structures that are delivered whole, to customized modules that are combined in different ways and assembled on site. The selections reflect a variety of cultural, environmental and economic considerations. For Black Barn, Pinc House of Sweden created a pitched-roof, modern adaptation of an ancient Viking longhouse design. Michelle Kaufmann’s Sunset Breezehouse adopts a variety of ecological approaches to living and building, while Marmol Radziner’s Desert House exemplifies the precision and craft made possible by contemporary manufacturing. Such houses parallel the lifestyles of their owners, who desire more flexible living spaces and want to speed the pace of the building process without sacrificing the quality of materials or construction.

Some of these buildings were a bit too mod for my tastes, but some of them I quite liked. Despite being prefabricated structures, the finished products still maintained an original quality. I was especially interested in the elements of green design and sustainability that could be incorporated into individual structures. And most of the structures seemed affordable, which considering the high price tag on real estate these days, affordability of any kind of well designed and aesthetically pleasing home is definitely an attractive point.

The exhibit is only on display until September 4th, so check it out before then if you're in the area. Otherwise here are links to some of the featured designs in the exhibit.

weeHouses
http://www.weehouses.com/interest/downloads.html

FlatPak
http://www.flatpakhouse.com/
http://thedwellhomesbyempyrean.com/Preview3/Designers/Flatpak/03_flatpak.html

Desert House
http://www.marmolradzinerprefab.com/design/index.html

Sunset Breezehouse (My favourite)
http://www.mkd-arc.com/whatwedo/breezehouse/index.cfm

Black Barn
http://www.pinchouse.com/site/modeller_blackbarn.asp

Mountain Retreat and other Modern Modular Designs
http://www.re4a.com/modern-modular/

LV & LVL Home Kits (I made a post about this a while back)
http://rocioromero.com/brochures.htm

Turbulence House
http://www.stevenholl.com/
http://archrecord.construction.com/projects/residential/archives/0504RHf-1.asp

This evening, in a regular fit of antisocialness I watched Deepa Mehta's film Water that I had picked up at the library this afternoon. It was a good choice to watch this movie alone because I cried and cried, just like the time my younger sister and I watched The Joy Luck Club. Every scrap of tissue in my room was used up, my eyes are raw and sore, and generally I feel like junk. It was a beautiful film nonetheless, what some might call a mood piece. I don't know why I cried so much in this film... maybe it's a good idea to blame it on my iron levels, whisper aenemia ever so quietly so someone upstairs might give me some calaloo to take back with me to my Edmonhome.

Come September I will have been blogging for two years. What purpose I've served besides moments like these where I need to feel like I'm doing something other than waiting for my body to fall asleep. A person can go through my monthly archives listed on the side and read the whole lot of nothing that I have stored there. Looking back to this time last year I can tell that I was reading The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. That's what I've collected here, useless babble that one day I might look back on and briefly relive these moments of tediousness when sleep wouldn't come fast enough.

But my eyes are starting to get tired now. I think staring at this computer screen has finally done the trick.

It's been yet another day, successful or unsuccessful, depending on your outlook on life. I woke up early to discover that the internet was still out (it was out for twelve hours) much to my shock and horror. So I tried to go back to sleep (it was still early) but I was too restless to really get any kind real sleep. So I spent a day talking trash, because that's what I do when I have nothing else to do. I edited some more photos, really giving power to the assumption that I never edit or post photos unless I'm in Fort St. John. It makes me wonder if I'm driven to create only in the confines of my dungeon bedroom...

I hope that's not true.

In other news... this evening I quickly went through the photos that I have posted to flickr and threw some together in a portfolio set. It's unlikely that all of the photos that are there are going to stay, especially since I have almost 50 photos added to the set so far. But I needed to start something. My hope is to have a photography website up and running before Christmas and I need to have a several categories of portfolio shots since I haven't decided whether I'm want to focus my attentions solely towards wedding photography or what. When I was still working for the radio station Wade (and I) had a conversation with the a professional photographer who worked the dog show circuit. He gave Wade (and me) a variety of advice about how to break into the business, one piece of advice being that we shouldn't try to do everything. We should pick one thing that we're good at and try to go with that. I think he might have meant it more in a broad sense, meaning that if we were going to shoot weddings that we shouldn't try to do videography as well, because being good at many things rarely makes you an expert in one. What I'd like to do is sit down with a second pair of eyes (and I don't mean me with my glasses on) and figure out what pictures I should showcase and what I should forget about. I have to go over all those questions like who are my targeted clientele... all that jazz that I like to ignore, because sometimes I like to live my life like a film trailer and I think if I build it, they will come. However, things are not that easy. In the next step down from the perfect world I'd want to sit down with a designer who can create the site I want, because even though I can do it, my skills are limited and it's more work than I want right now. How many different ways can I emit a sound of frustration right now. I need a distraction from this headache I'm giving myself.

and to think this is me after I went out for a daily constitutional.

Today I'm feeling anything but useful. I've edited some photos here and there, but I've got that taste of limbo in my mouth... like I'm just waiting for a certain amount of time to pass before all the things that need to happen will happen. Perhaps it is my current state of full-time joblessness that makes me feel this way. I shouldn't feel this way, especially considering that I do have a purpose for being in Fort St. John right now, seeing that I have a wedding to shoot this weekend. I must still be transitioning from my status as a regular employee with the School District. I had something to do during the day when I wasn't mulling over my photos.

I'm wondering what to call myself... am I a professional photographer in the early stages of her career or am I a photography hobbyist who is currently looking for work? My very practical side leans towards the latter, especially when I think of the bills that need to be paid and all the things that I have on my photography business to do list. But then I remember that I have a job booked for next summer... so I can't really consider myself just a hobbyist.

bah.

I need to distract myself with something else right now. Packing up the rest of my room doesn't interest me and neither does reading. I've been looking at images all day, studying other wedding photos in an effort to make sure that I am alert enough to catch all sorts of moments at the wedding. It would be nice to be shooting with another person or even to have a dedicated assistant, but the timing of the wedding didn't allow for Wade to come up and I don't have enough equipment ot give my brother a camera if I end up taking him along to cart all of the stuff that I might bring with me. There is supposed to be another woman there taking pictures, but she's there more in a kind of snapshot capacity.

Maybe my mood is matching the weather... it's indecisive, can't make up it's mind between rain or shine.

I've fallen back into the habit of not going to sleep early. It's not good, because it will just mean that my body will have to readjust to different hours all over again when I go back to Edmonton.

But my mind is mulling over things... I mentally preparing for the wedding that I have at the end of the week and I'm thinking more about the work I have been doing with photography. I've been talking for months about setting up a website and doing more stock photos (something I've been saying for more than a year now), but so far I haven't got around to formally doing anything about it. Methinks It's time to get my behind in gear. I need to design some business cards and have them printed off... all these things that are necessary to make a more significant attempt to professionalize myself photographically.

It'll all be done. I just need to consolidate my to do lists and stop being a spectactor watching things pass me by.

As glad as I am to be living in a city and visiting other cities, there is something reassuring in going for a walk down the quiet streets of my hometown. The sun was slowly setting and the air was warm and I retraced the steps that I've taken many times before.

and until the giant truck passed by I was content.

Some of us might remember the scene from The Sound of Music where Julie Andrews (Maria) and Christopher Plummer (Captain Von Trapp) are singing in the gazebo after they discover their mutual love for each other... So sweetly they sing the words...

Perhaps I had a wicked childhood
Perhaps I had a miserable youth
But somwhere in my wicked, miserable past
There must have been a moment of truth

For here you are, standing there, loving me
Whether or not you should
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good

Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good

However, somewhat unrelated yet still moderately linked to the lyrics (but I have musicals on the brain right now from a previous conversation with someone and I wanted to make a musical reference)... love aside, I did not have a wicked childhood and I might have done something bad on occasion... but what I did to deserve the recent situation I found myself in I don't really know.

Friday, after enduring several hours of transportational slumming on the Greyhound, I put myself quietly to bed and was up the next morning to get on the plane to Fort St. John. I arrived later in the afternoon and telephoned my wedding client to check in. After some brief conversation we were talking about where I should meet them (it was a quickly organized wedding and I didn't have all the details yet) and it was decided that I should first come to the hotel to take shots of the bridal party getting ready. I was starting to relax, everything was falling into place. But the hotel that I was told did not sound familiar to this area, so I asked for directions. The directions were a little vague at first and I did not recognize the street names... So then the directions became more specific, "Well if you're coming off the Whitemud...."

and then I started to panic.

Fort St. John doesn't have a Whitemud, the only city I know of that has a Whitemud is Edmonton. That meant I was in the totally wrong city and I did not know how it all happened because all my previous conversations (although few in number) gave me no reason to believe that I was supposed to go to Edmonton instead of Fort St. John. Obviously I'm upset about the whole thing, upset because the confusion left the wedding party without a photographer and because I also lost some income for the summer and because I gave up some vacation time with Aryn.

I don't know what crime I'm being punished for. It's really quite maddening.

But all I can do is make the best of things. So I've fallen back into my regular home routine. I've been on the computer all day long, lord knows what I've been accomplishing besides wasting time. Although tonight I'm meeting with my friend who's also in town for coffee briefly. I'll pour my sorrow into a tea or something from Tim Horton's, since the stylish coffee place in town is sure to be closed as it is Sunday night.

Oh the joys of being back in a small city.

I'm midway through my West Coast adventure... and I must admit to being a little weary of travel right now. After spending six months as a jet setter I was actually enjoying the quiet evenings I was spending in my new home. But I shouldn't complain too much... I am enjoying my time here and I am looking forward to seeing the famous Lasqueti Island in a couple days.

As for my trip so far... After a full day in Victoria I hopped over to Vancouver for my scheduled photoshoot and other photographic adventures. The shoot was fantastic, the weather was gorgeous and my clients were really fun models. The shoot had originally been scheduled for Friday but I came over a day early which turned out to be a good plan as we decided to take some shots on Thursday evening just so we could get in some more locations. Friday morning the sky was very overcast so we rescheduled the second set for Saturday (which turned out to be equally gloomy). I took advantage of my newfound free time by doing all the touristy things that I did not have a chance to do the last time I was in Vancouver.

When I first arrived in Vancouver I discovered that my eyecup (the cushy bit with dipotric adjustment) had fallen off. I was most displeased with that discovery as I had noticed that it was broken before I left Victoria and I had taken special care in the transport of my camera so I wouldn't lose that piece. However my efforts were in vain and the eyecup had somehow disappeared. My first plan in Vancouver was to go in search of a replacement eyecup, which I hoped would not prove difficult. I knew the location of several camera stores downtown so I went for a stroll which turned out to be more of a trek since i was carrying a backpack stuffed full of the items I would need for the next several days... in addition to my tripod. My quest proved to be more difficult than I wished, and I went to store after store only to find that the part that I wanted was either not carried or back-ordered. My camera is not unusable without this piece, but it is a pain to shoot without as my nose get smashed up against the LCD screen. (which reminds me/... tomorrow I am going to head to the various Victoria camera shops in search of the piece.) I wandered around for a bit more but eventually I ended up near Canada Place where I was going to meet with my clients for the photoshoot. I photographed them for a couple of hours and then I headed to West Vancouver to meet with my darling cousin Nuala who most graciously allowed me to trespass for a couple of days. The evening was rather quiet, we supped and conversed for a bit before heading to bed.

Friday morning I woke to overcast skies, but I took the bus downtown anyhow hoping that I might discover slightly better conditions... but of course they proved to be no better. So I took the seabus over to North Van and then transferred to the appropriate bus (#236) which took me to Capilano Suspension Bridge. I am not really a fan of heights but all the same they don't bother me terribly, so I figured that the suspension bridge wouldn't be that big of deal. I strolled around the very touristy park for a couple hours. The park first made me think of Swiss Family Robinson but later was more aptly compared to an Ewok village. I returned to downtown and after going up the Harbour Centre to take in the 360 degree views of Vancouver I called up my friend Matt (whom I inherited from Aryn... inheriting friends is something I seem to do well I think) and I headed across the bridge to geek out over his new MacBook Pro and then we went looking for a replacement eyecup only to discover that the one camera store that did actually carry them in stock had closed down it's Pacific Centre Call location. I cried and cursed them and then we headed to the Vancouver Aquarium in Stanley Park where we just missed the dolphin show but were able to catch the sea otter feeding and bellowing of the elephant seal. After discussing the skill and efficiency of the sidewalk artist, inherited friend and I parted ways and I headed back to West Van to meet up with cousin and her beau for an Indian feast.

As mentioned above, the weather on Saturday was no better than Friday (in fact it was worse)... so cousin Nuala and I went to the Vancouver Art Gallery and strolled through the various exhbitions before heading for some lunch. We parted ways and I took in the live BC History performance/exhibit at Storyeum in Gastown. It was a delightfully cheeseball presentation but the sets were fantastic. It was worth the price of admission just to see it rain indoors (I'd never seen that before). I would have been interested to go on a tour of the place with some of the set designers to learn how everything was put together. More on that in my next post however because I'm a little pressed for time at the moment. After Storyeum I ran up to Dr. Sun Yat Sen Gardens and wandered about there briefly before heading back to the waterfront centre to meet up with some Vandigicamers for a photowalk. We ended up walking all the way along the waterfront to commercial, passing the rail yards and sugar refinery and various colourful walls along the way. We went for dinner at Cafe Katmandu and had various traditional Tibetan meals. I had the Lhasa Momo (national dish of Nepal) which are steamed dumplings very similar to wontons. After dinner we all headed to Trout Lake Park for the Luminares Procession. Picture taking ensued until 10pm or so when I headed back downtown to go to sleep. Sunday morning I was late catching a bus to the harbour so I ended up being a little late, but luckily I was accompanied by my inherited friend so we went for lunch at The Mill in Coal Harbour with a server who spoke with a suspiciously faux English accent. Before I knew it I was back in Victoria, arriving at my brother's home just in time to catch him before he went for a walk. We strolled along the Songhees and then went to The Reef for some caribbean cooking. Blah blah blah... Sunday arrived, I did some apartment locating for my sister, some brief photo editing, and then dinner with Tonio at ReBar... then I got a call from Aryn saying he was off the trail and back in Victoria (an entire day early). So today we're off to Lasqueti by way of Saltspring... and then I'll be off to Fort St. John by way of Victoria.

No more computer for me for the rest of the week. I'll officially be on vacation.

In an effort to escape the recent heat wave that has hit the city of Edmonton, I recently spent 12+ hours in the backseat of a Jeep Rubicon in the lotus position trying to achieve inner peace. Instead I ended up with a temporarily twisted glute (the minimus) and a rather cranky disposition.

I have since recovered from both.

My coastal adventure has now moved into the second chapter, where I hop between cities and go mad in preparation of the two weddings that I will be shooting in the next coming weeks. The anticipation of having two such major events coming up is making me feel a little stressed out, which is why I considered in part staying Edmonton rather than going on this little vacation. However, I'm glad that I came (aside from having to endure a broken bum) because I've fallen back in love with the beautiful city of Victoria. It's a close rival to my other favourite city, Vancouver where I'll be for the next couple days (more photography). It feels good to be back in BC... which sounds ridiculous because I've only been living in Alberta for a few weeks now. I do like Edmonton, but to me it's only a temporary city and I don't get the same feeling when I'm there as I do when I'm in either of the V cities. However, Edmonton is my home now and I'm trying to make the best of it. When I return in a couple weeks I'll have less idle time on my hands with any combination of photo editing, school and work.

oh the joy!

It's been too long since my last post. I suppose my heart just hasn't been into posting lately. I've been adjusting to life in the new city, which really hasn't been that difficult but it's enough of a change to put me into one of my introspective moods where I start to consider the wonders of the universe, but I don't feel like sharing my thoughts with anyone. I'm not even really in the mood to blog right now but I was speaking to my mother earlier (curry cooking tips) and she commented that I hadn't written anything in a while. So, here I am... dutifully sitting in front of my computer at my new desk in my new office space surrounded by Aryn's plant pets, and as my darling mama would say... I'm stinking up the apartment with the curry I have cooking on the stove (and might I add that this curry has some nice colour).

I'm lacking a little creative motivation at the moment. I've barely taken any photos since I've moved to the city, just because I haven't really felt like it. I have however read three novels in the past week, catching up on a lot of the reading that I had not been doing during the winter.

but like other things, this brief period of lethargy will pass... and soon I will be complaining that I am too busy and do not have enough time to do all the things I want to do.

I have had the misfortune of being afflicted with a sinus cold during what might end up being the hottest part of the summer. It's most annoying. I'd very much like to be done with this whole being sick thing. I thought I might leave it behind me when I turned 24. Apparently I was mistaken.

I am now officially moved to the city. I have not yet unpacked all my goods, but I've had a few other things that I've had to complete. My schooling has more or less been arranged, I had to spend some time at the program office today sorting out some misinformation that I had been fed several weeks earlier, but luckily everything is more or less the way that I want it. More specific details are probably not necessary because then this post would become a rant about the state of the post secondary system and not my general update about life or something like that.

I've just realized that my bedroom has no mirror. I am suddenly at a bit of a loss. There was a mirror on one wall until we shuffled some furniture around. I quite like mirrors and the room seems a bit empty without being able to see my reflection somewhere. I think something needs to be done about this.

My sinus cold seems to be getting progressively worse as I type this... life updates will have to wait for a little bit while my body repairs itself.

One more post from my little white beast of burden...

Just wanted to announce that after today there will be no more long distance calls with the beau. I will not be able to do with the phone altogether, as I will be a good daughter and telephone my parental units occasionally to let them know that I am alive and not living under a bridge.

I'm off for my last day of work and then back home again to finish packing.

This may very well be my last blog post from my little white beast of burden, as this laptop is going to be returned tomorrow. It was fun while it lasted... I got to test out Tiger and a tiny laptop and I've decided that one day when I can afford it I will get myself a little portable laptop like this to do my little bits of internet surfing while I'm traveling or away from my main computer.

Considering that I'm moving tomorrow I'm relatively zen. But I suppose it is because I'm tired and I'm not really allowing myself to be worried that I'm only partially packed. I've only packed a portion of my books now and I still have to pack my assorted jackets (which I kind of forgot about since it's only the beginning of the summer and I've forgotten what snow can be like) and other miscellaneous bits and pieces from around my room. This move is much different from my previous moves though... I've seen the place that I'm moving into and I don't have to worry too much about leaving some items behind. I know that I don't have space for everything I own in the "new" apartment and the vehicle that I'm using to move probably won't hold it all either. Needless to say, there's still quite a bit of packing left for me to complete tomorrow. But I'm too tired to deal with any of that now. I still have to go to work tomorrow and I think I'll have to miss the celebratory final luncheon as I'd like to have my room packed up before Aryn arrives in the afternoon.

What would ever possess someone to become a professional mover? I've only ever had to move a couple roomfuls of stuff, I can't imagine what it would be like to have to move entire house worth. But I suppose if it's not your own it might be easier to just pack up and go... there would be none of this iingering over items that you hadn't looked at for a while.

Friday afternoon I should be in the city. But for now I'm going to sleep.

Tonight, while I make half-hearted attempts to pack, I have been pausing to read the introduction to The Decisive Moment by Henri Cartier-Bresson. It's interesting to read what he has written about photography, not only because this man is considered one of the masters of photography but also because photography as an artform has changed. This is not unlike other artforms, as tastes in music, painting, fashion, dance have all changed or evolved over time. However, our change in tastes does not necessarily discount the classification of past works as art... nor does our awe and respect of past works discount the classifications of new work as art. But is there really such a clear distinction between old and new? Is our work ever really totally original? Is it wrong that sometimes our photos are contrived or manipulated?

All these questions can be answered in both simple and complex terms. I don't feel like bothering with either answer at the moment. I don't think either answer would suffice.

Tonight I am doing what I do best... which of course consists of a lot of sitting and procrastinating on the computer. I did come home with full intentions to start/continue my packing, but I was delayed by several things which have led to my current position in the living room in front of the soft manufactured breeze of an oscillating fan. It's quite nice, I highly recommend it. My breeze therapy has allowed me to finish reading "Boy - Tales of Childhood" by Roald Dahl, which I started reading this morning during my break at work. This book, in addition to my dinnertime reading of the current issue of Beautiful Itineraries (formerly Bella Italia) magazine and my recent return from Vancouver has left me feeling rather dull and ordinary. My biography is rather plain. Although I am excited by my upcoming move, I must admit that I am a little unimpressed with the city that I am moving to. Spending a week in beautiful Vancouver has only highlighted all the things that Edmonton does not have. However, I know it is not wise to approach transition to a new place in a negative way. This move will be good for me, and Vancouver can always be visited or moved to in the future when I can actually afford it.

This move marks not only a change of location, but hopefully the opportunity to pursue photography in a more serious manner in addition to the token additional schooling so that I can sustain my vital signs when I do not have clients banging on my door. The pursuit of a more career path that is fueled by more creativity than defined schedule and salary is a difficult one, but one that I am sure will have it's own rewards... like that certain kind of stylish poverty that we all strive for.

The last section of Dahl's book contained an interesting musing about the differences between his early career working for Shell and his later career writing fiction. Considering my hope to find more photographic work, I found the situation he described oddly comforting.

I enjoyed it, I really did. I began to realize how simple life could be if one had a regular routine to follow with fixed hours and a fixed salary and very little original thinking to do. The life of a writer is absolute hell compared to the life of a businessman. The writer has to force himself to work. He has to make his own hours and if he doesn't go to his desk there is nobody to scold him. If he is a writer of fiction he lives in a world of fear. Each new day demands new ideas and he can never be sure whether he is going to come up with them or not. Two hours of writing fiction leaves this particular writer absolutely drained. For those two hours he has been miles away, he has been somewhere else, in a different place with totally different people, and the effort of swimming back into normal surroundings is very great. It is almost a shock. the writer walks out of his workroom in a daze. He wants a drink. He needs it. It happens to be a fact that nearly every writer of fiction drinks more whisky than is good for him. He does it to give himself faith, hope and courage. A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom. He has no master except his own soul, and that, I am sure, is why he does it.

--
from Boy - Tales of Childhood
Copywright © 1984 by Roald Dahl

Considering my age (although I'm not old) I have worked in a fair number of jobs, all with varying levels of responsibility and freedom. I must admit that the jobs I've enjoyed the most were the positions that granted me the greatest amount of freedom, creative or otherwise. It's quite difficult for me to work in positions where I feel stifled by bureacracy or limited by the focus of an organization. I have a bit of entrepreneurial spirit in me, although I will admit that I am the type of entrepreneur that needs a business manager because I am rather terrible at that end of things. I'd like to be able to achieve my goal of one day being able to set up a photography studio... and take portraits for a living. Photography has become more than just a hobby for me. Although I took lots of photos will I was in Vancouver, I never felt satisfied. I wanted a bit more control over time... my photos always felt a little rushed.

It seems odd... in this post I started out by complaining that my life was too dull, but now I'm wishing that moments of it could be slowed down a little. But what can I say, I'm a complex individual (and perhaps I'm also a bit of an individual with a complex).

I've returned from my trip and I'm enduring the scorching heat with the rest of the world. It's crazy hot out. I have loads and loads to get done over the next couple of days... since I will be moving on Friday. But who really wants to pack when it is so hot outside. I'd rather be in the pool where it is nice and cool.

My summer schedule is going to be crazy. I'll be back and forth between Edmonton, the islands and Fort St. John... but I will miss every single Folk Fest. It's a little disappointing because there are many artists that I would like to see, like Sarah Harmer, David Gray, Feist, Bedouin Sound Clash, Broken Social Scene... but I will be in transit for both the Edmonton and Calgary festivals. Oh well, there is always next year... and I'm sure that I will get my chance to go see concerts throughout the year.

However, I'm running on a tight schedule here and I need to eat some dinner before I figure out my packing procedure.

I've been up since six, unable to sleep... unwilling to believe that it is Friday already and my mini vacation is almost over. I won't quite say that it has been a whirlwind trip, but I still feel like there are things that I haven't seen yet and still need to see. Everything always feels a little rushed when you're visiting. It would be nice to be able to slow down and go back to some of the places I've passed by and get to photograph them properly, but there's always something else to do.

Next week is going to be a busy one. It's the last week of work, I have a ton of packing to do and those last minute things to organize my life in Fort St. John before I leave there. But before I know it... the summer will be over and I'll be back to school in the fall.

Where does the time go?

Speaking of which... I have to start getting ready, I want to get a good vantage point to photograph the closing ceremonies.

I'm a bad sister... I was in transit yesterday and I neglected to call to wish my sister a happy birthday.

will she ever forgive me?

I'm finishing packing while listening to cheesy music on the radio (Corey Hart, Never Surrender). Very soon I'll be off to Vancouver for the World Urban Forum and lots of photography.

Here's to an enjoyable flight and good weather. I don't know if there is a way to write Bon Voyage in a self-reflexive way, but if there was I would write it.

Tomorrow I'll be in Vancouver... walking around looking for photos to take. The first thing I'll be doing is buying a map and maybe even looking for a larger camera bag. I haven't quite decided yet. But tomorrow won't arrive until today is over, so I suppose I should get my act together and get dressed.

Have an excellent Friday.

I don't care if the summer solstice is not until the 21st. The season has officially started for me. I have just received my first two mosquito bites of the year. I was hoping to avoid all that.

I'm getting my fill of major sporting events through roundabout ways lately. Last night I went to sleep with the sounds of the World Cup, which my brother had recorded using his HDTV satellite receiver and then transferred to DVD for my father and younger brother to watch. I had my window open and I coul hear the sounds of the cheering crowd as I drifted off to sleep.

Tonight I was on the phone with Aryn and at one point in the conversation spontaneous cheering broke out in the distance. It was loud. The entire block of apartments seemed to be going crazy. It being game night I had a feeling that it meant that the Oilers had won.

I found the parallels between the two experiences rather amusing. Here I am, not an avid fan of either sport (although I can name more soccer players than I can hockey players) but despite my best efforts the sound of sport does not escape me.

Today I decided to break in a new pair of shoes (purchased on sale of course) in preparation for my Vancouver trip. The shoes are pretty red leather flats (yes I wear leather) and add a nice bit of colour to my wardrobe. Once summer arrives I rarely wear any type of footwear that encloses my entire foot... this results in a toughened sole but a rather delicate portion of skin on my back heel. However, this morning I grossly misjudged how sensitive this skin is and I chose to wear these shoes for my morning constitutional.

This was the result after a ten minute walk to work.


For the sake of common decency I am not showing you the naked blisters, because they are as gross to look at as they are painful. And I use plural because I had multiple blisters on each foot. Luckily my coworker leant me her vehicle and I was able to go home at recess to switch my shoes for flipflops. I'm thinking that to break these babies in I'll just have to wear them with socks around the house. Maybe by fall they'll be comfortable enough to walk in. I'm forgetting about taking them to Vancouver because I'd rather not have to deal with broken feet. Instead I'll slow down my pace a bit and just keep with my regular open back footwear.

The hellmouth was open again today and we had a second day where the little hellions felt right at home. But I tell myself only two more days of work this week...

Today was sinfully hot.

Hot like hell if you get my drift. It was almost a punishment to be outside. I'm not complaining though, I just wish that I had brought a hat with me.

This week is disappearing so quickly. I don't know where the time is going, but before I know it I will be back on a plane... this time headed for Vancouver for a combination educational experience and pre-move vacation. It can be really hard for me to justify all my comings and goings over the past six months, since in the past I was lucky if I made it fifteen minutes out of town. But this trip is really going to be worth it. It's really just a mini excursion, but should afford me plenty of opportunity to indulge in some architectural photography... something which I don't get a lot of.

I'll admit that back in January the idea of another long distance relationship was not the most enticing one. However, thanks to all the visits that Aryn and I have managed to fit in, our months spent apart have not been so bad at all. Or at least I've forgotten the more dreary bits. June was supposed to be the worst month... I never really got to the point of considering July until I made plans to move... but so far it has turned out to be the best. We've already had one visit so far, and with the Vancouver trip things are just doubly and infinitely better. However, I am gushing and recently I read an article that one should avoid writing stuff that is just boring, which this is.

In other news related to my post title, this afternoon I took it upon myself to start altering a sundress that my mother's mother gave to her, but it was too short for my mama and wouldn't fit my other sisters so I ended up with it. Anyhow, some careful stitch ripping later and I'd removed the sleeves and the collar and was ready for my crude attempts at dress alterations. I have very little skill when it comes to sewing, but I somehow manage to muddle myself through the process, although my attempts are always very crude and a real seamstress/tailor would laugh at my stitching in a very scornful way. Tomorrow I'll have to finish with the final stitching, so far all I've done is do a little cutting and some basting. My mother has suggested that I use bias tape but methinks that's too labour intensive. The dress wasn't that great in the first place and I just really want it to lounge about in during the summer. Perhaps one day I'll really learn how to sew and put the sewing machine (a much requested Christmas gift from a few years ago) to good use.

There are the occasional days when I find myself with a surplus of energy. This weekend was a little like that. Aryn told me that I had deceived him and he wondered what happened to the girl who was quite frequently tired.

Well, she's back.

After one day back at work I have come home feeling a good fifteen years older than I felt over the weekend. It's unfortuante that this feelling has returned because it is most unwelcome. I have certain things that I have planned to accomplish in the evenings but right now even typing this blog post is a chore as my eyes are struggling to stay open. This sleepy feeling that takes over my body after work wouldn't be such a problem if I didn't set myself so much to get done in the evenings. My phtoography is taking up more and more time, but when it takes several hours after work to recoup from a day spent with a variety of angels, demons, and hell spawn... I'm usually left with little time to sit down and seriously work on what I need to get done.

Bad metaphor alert... life can be like a game of snakes and ladders, sometime you are able to skip many steps and get closer to your goal but then something happens to send you sliding down... farther away from the end you have in mind. At work there is a giant snakes and ladder game painted on the ground... whenever I see it I think about the never ending complexities and challenges we face.

I keep on getting closer and closer to my eventual moving date. The months have passed by quickly but as I get closer to the actual departure to the new city, I'm starting to have difficulty thinking about how my life will change. I didn't before... it was very easy to picture things in the long term sense. For the time being I've just stopped thinking about it. I'm more concerned with the present, although right now I'm even kind of ignoring that.

I have a feeling that tonight is going to be an early night for me. I'm probably just reeling from my weekend away. I did not really go sightseeing in Kamloops (I don't really know what sights there are to see), but all the visiting and meals made for a rather busy weekend. This little trip reminded me why I like traveling so much. It's nice to go places as a visitor because you can sit and observe and there usually isn't a problem because that is what is expected from you (depending on who and were you are visiting of course). I was surrounded by people I didn't know and I was very much the outsider, but I didn't mind. I distanced myself from it all and pretended like it was all one giant photo opportunity, regardless of whether I had my camera on me or not.

perhaps next week in Vancouver will be a similar experience. I just hope that I have regained my energy by then.

I'm heading off to bed now after an activity filled weekend in Kamloops... having just met Aryn's family and attended his sister's convocation all in one fell swoop (apologies to my own sisters whose respective convocations I am unable to attend). I'm a little too tired to go into the trip in detail... and judging from my recent failures to come back and describe more about things, I probably won't have much more to say other than I had a good time.

I only have a few more weeks left before I move, and close to ten days of that is going to be spent in Vancouver. My new lenses are in my possession and I spent a fair bit of time getting used to using them. They are a nice addition to my growing list of equipment. But I really need to try to sleep.

Today after work I'm off to Kamloops to meet with the parental and sibling units of my beau. I'm steeling my nerves in anticipation of being perceived as less than adequate for the prince-like only son.

But should things go awry I will be able to hide behind my camera and new lenses.

Unrelated... my brother showed me this little clip of The Evolution of Dance a couple of nights ago. It's a little long, but worth the watch, especially the section about the twist because that is exactly how my father pretends to dance and my siblings and I have picked those moves up too.

However, I must go pack.

I'm gearing up (in more ways than one) for my upcoming trips to Kamloops and Vancouver. I plan to photograph up a storm with my new lensies that I've acquired thanks to a recent contest win (my first) and an upcoming wedding shoot. I'm most pleased and excited. I'll be meeting up with a group of Vancouver photographers (Vandigicam) while I'm in the city... and basically just getting to explore the city in a way that I haven't before. We used to spend part of our summers in Vancouver, but I'm sure the last time we made that sort of trip was almost 17 years ago. I've been back to the city several times since, but only for a limited period of time and never with my camera. I don't know if Aryn is psychologically prepared with the amount of photography that is going to be taking place for the week that we are there for the World Urban Forum. I'm going to have to clear some space off of my computer so that I always have fresh cards for the next day.

I really cannot wait to try out my new lenses. I wish that I was near a camera store that actually carried a wide selection of lenses so I could go and see them in person (but fear not, I did a lot of research before finally deciding what to invest in). Luckily for me, however, Aryn does live near such stores and was a true prince and acted as my proxy in the acquisition of this new equipment. Ever the faithful messenger, he is channeling Hermes and will carry to me my new lensies when we meet up next week.

I seem to be in a perpetual state of photographic lust... dreaming of the locations where I will soon be visiting and somewhat ignoring my current surroundings. I just need a change of location. I'm not as inspired in this northern city at the moment. But when you've lived in this place for as long as I have, sometimes it becomes difficult to see any beauty even in the disarray and decay. Perhaps if I tried harder I could, but I don't feel like making the effort, especially because I know I'm going to be in Vancouver for more than a week... and I know I'm going to be in Victoria again this summer... and I know I'm going to Salt Spring and Lasqueti. It can be foolish to always be thinking that someplace else is better than where we are right now, but for the time being I don't really see much harm in my looking forward to taking pictures someplace else.

However, it's quite nice outside today so I think I'm going to leave my post in the living room and indulge in a little sunlight out of doors with a book.

Some days when I come home from spending an entire day around children I feel old. Today was not one of those days. Instead I'm feeling rather young and spritely. My class went on a field trip today, to visit a spawning channel and basically just enjoy a Friday away from the classroom. On events like this I have a chance to try out different techniques when working with my behaviour students. As all of my students are moving on to junior high next year they are getting a little tired of having their "prison guard" by their side at all times. It's a bit of a catch 22 though, they don't want support and they start misbehaving and being non-compliant with me thinking I'll get tired of them. However, that only makes the situation worse because the worse their behaviour becomes the more present I have to be. Anyhow, today my students were all having good days so I was able to "set them free" (not that they were ever imprisoned except in their own minds) and observe them from afar. I think I enjoyed the break more than they did as I got a chance to interact with some of the other students in the class. I'm not all that much older than some of these kids... and when not faced with behaviour issues I get treated a bit more like a big sister than like big prison matron.

This period of prepubescence is short lived... and I have really enjoyed this year of interacting with these students before they really started demonstrating the typical teenager attitude. For their sake I hope that some of these kids don't really change too much as they grow into adults. A couple of the girls in particular are quite affable and aggreable and it would be a shame if they were to acquire nasty little attitudes in a couple years. Maybe it's the mother hen/earth goddess/sister moon/feminista in me, but I feel a certain amount of protectiveness over these girls (maybe I should become a girl scout leader and give self esteem talks around the campfire). I had taken my camera along with me to document the field trip for the class and some of the students asked me to take their pictures as they've seen some of my work before. We can be so critical of our image no matter what the age, but I remember being twelve and teetering on that edge of hyper image consciousness and relative ignorant bliss. It was so refreshing to me that the two girls whose portraits I took were able to look at their photos and not be critical of what they saw. When I told them that I could give copies of the pictures I took of them (I took maybe five each) they were so pleased. This little exercise made me think more about how I want to develop my portraiture work especially working with children. I would have loved to be able to incorporate portraiture in a lesson with these students, taking a portrait of each child and having them write about the feelings that the photo elicited (how they might have felt when the photo was being taken and how they felt now looking at the photo). It would be an interesting way to explore the concepts of image and self esteem. I'm thinking of asking the parents of these students if they would allow me to take some more portaits of their daughters. I'm thinking of this in sort of a dual track... as a way for me to drum up some more material for my portfolio and some more business, and also a chance to maybe give these girls a little opportunity to preserve that time in their life when things are not quite as confusing as they might become.

quite often I try to make things work and I swirl around in a frenzy of worry, ideas and solutions... my mind spinning like a centrifuge until I can achieve some clarity.

tonight was a little bit like that.

The past week has been a busy one. I haven't really had a chance to write in length about the several things that I wanted to write about. Tonight, however, seems like a perfect night to catch up... seeing that I am very nearly friendless in this town and I have also been ditched for the devil's game of Texas Hold'Em (one of many Lucifer approved recreational activities).

I got a chance this week to sit down with my wedding client to go over some of the details of the wedding and review what she (and her partner) were looking for in their photos. The meeting left me with a really nice feeling. I'm beginning to be much more comfortable in the role of payed photographer as compared to a hobbyist who does people favours. The wedding is still a couple of months away, but I am already getting anxious to take the pictures. Next week I'll be in Kamloop's to meet Aryn's family so I'll get the chance to start practicing with the new equipment I purchased with my prize money (winning photo seen here).

Tomorrow I'll be spending the day with my class out at a fish hatchery north of town. I've been told the outing is quite boring, but I'm hoping that the weather will be at least moderately nice so that we all can enjoy a day spent outside instead of cooped up in the classroom. You can really tell that it is getting close to the end of the year because nearly all of the students are on edge and the mood/behaviour swings are so erratic. I still enjoy my job though... and I will be a little sorry for it to end. After this year though I really do think that I would prefer working in another capacity within the education system. I've been oft quoted that I quite like the one-on-one aspect of my job, but I will admit that sometimes I wish that I were able to focus more on academics than behaviour. All students can benefit from increased support and I would leap at the chance to work in the capacity where I could help create more challenging curriculum for students who did not already face other challenges in their learning or behaviour. Some time in the future perhaps... in another city most likely...

But I'm getting a little frustrated right now. After dealing with some junk customer service this morning I've been trying to sort something out and despite my attempts to establish a communication link I'm being ignored. I give up. I'm going to bed.

here's to a better day tomorrow.

I won a photo contest yesterday... well not entirely by myself. It was a collaborative effort with Aryn. The winning photo is not really one of my favourites. In fact out of all of the photos I/we submitted the winning photo was my least favourite. But I'm not complaining... we won $500 at McBain Camera.

This afternoon was the second part of the school talent show. It stretched for a monstrous two hours... which can seem like a really long time on a Friday afternoon. Some of the acts were, as can be expected, substandard or really terrible. But there were a few little gems here and there. One chubby little girl got stage fright, but came back later to try to redo her act. She asked her a few volunteers to come up and dance with her and ended up having nearly the entire school up and dancing. It was quite hilarious, even more so since the kids were busting moves to LFO's "Summer Girls". You know the one I'm talking about, if you don't, here's a little refresher.

New kids on the block had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick
And I think it’s fly when girls stop by for the
Summer, for the summer
I like girls that wear abercrombie and fitch
I’d take her if I had one wish
But she’s been gone since that summer,
Since that summer
Hip-hop mama layed spic & span
Met you one summer and it all began
You’re the best girl that I ever did see
The great larry bird, jersey 33
When you take a sip, you buzz like a hornet billy
Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me willy whistle cause I can’t speak baby
Somethin’ in your eyes went and drove me crazy
Now I can’t forget you and it makes me mad left one
Day and never came back
Stayed all summer then went back home
Mccaullay culkin wasn’t home alone
Fell deep in love, but now we ain’t speakin’
Michael j. fox was alex p. keaton
When I met you I said my name was rich
You look like a girl from abercrombie and fitch

...what powerful lyrics.

Yesterday I made my photography wishlist (again. I'm not finished yet, but the list is fairly comprehensive. I cried silently and tearlessly when I saw the total.

In response to this newfound faux stress I've decided that I need to knit a new toque. I haven't knit anything in a while. My attempt at knitting a garment was only partly successful... I made it to the sleeves and then quit. So I planning to try knitting lace patterns. Not doilies or collars mind you. I found a nice pattern online for a scarf so I'm going to try that and then move on to headwear.

It's Friday, I have photo editing to complete this weekend, portfolios to plan, and XMen to watch (finally, months after I saw it being filmed).

Something's wrong with the main page of my blog template. The sidebar is showing up at the bottom and I don't know why since I didn't make any changes to it.

hmm... how annoying.

This morning I came across this poem...

You begin this way:
this is your hand,
this is your eye,
this is a fish, blue and flat
on the paper, almost
the shape of an eye
This is your mouth, this is an O
or a moon, whichever
you like. This is yellow.

Outside the window
is the rain, green
because it is summer, and beyond that
the trees and then the world,
which is round and has only
the colors of these nine crayons.

This is the world, which is fuller
and more difficult to learn than I have said.
You are right to smudge it that way
with the red and then
the orange: the world burns.

Once you have learned these words
you will learn that there are more
words than you can ever learn.
The word hand floats above your hand
like a small cloud over a lake.
The word hand anchors
your hand to this table
your hand is a warm stone
I hold between two words.

This is your hand, these are my hands, this is the world,
which is round but not flat and has more colors
than we can see.
It begins, it has an end,
this is what you will
come back to, this is your hand.

-- Margaret Atwood

Totally unrelated: but XMen will be opening on Friday and I am going to see it.

not mine of course (despite my numerous ads in various foreign country clubs). Today I was booked for a wedding in August and I am very excited. The couple is very interested in a more unique and modern look to their wedding photos, so it is understandable that I am doubly excited about the prospect of shooting this wedding. Of course my mind has been buzzing with the prospect of new equipment. I'm constantly reorganizing my priority list.

On my wish list are several items, but most prominently is a quality wide angle lens. I have two that I'm trying to decide between, both expensive, but one considerably more so than the other. Making investments in such things is a difficult thing, especially when I am trying to take my photography seriously. Obviously the better lens is the more expensive one, it would work better in lower light conditions because it has a larger aperture and slightly wider angle. Add to that my newest wish list item, the Sekonic L-558 Light Meter and a more powerful flash like the Metz Mecablitz 76 MZ-5 digital for walk around wedding photography... and my desire to one day have studio lights... well, it all just becomes way too overwhelming. Even more so when I wish that I had a Macbook so that I could run Aperture.

Why does everything have to cost so much money? Sometimes (like now) I wish that I could just pursue photography full-time. But that's just not practical. I need to have the "back-up" plan to make sure that I can survive. As some might say, I have too many mistresses.

But back to my dream of prime lenses (the Canon EF 16-35mm f/2.8 L USM in particular)... I've always liked the look of wide angles in architectural and travel photography. Perhaps it's the cimeatic scope... but I just like to see the sweeping vistas and towering buildings. Like so many other paupers I get a lot of my kicks out of magazine travel, looking at the shots in various magazines of far off and exotic places. Today I chose my newest ideal vacation spot, the Algarve. The Algarve is the southernmost region of Portugal and is well known for glorious year round sunshine and excellent sandy beaches.

Lonely Planet has this to say about Portugal:

Portugal has a rich seafaring past, superb beach resorts, wistful towns and a landscape wreathed in olive groves, vineyards and wheat fields. Littered with UNESCO World Heritage sites and graced by one of Europe's most relaxed and attractive capitals, it also remains refreshingly affordable.

Savouring life slowly is a Portuguese passion, and much of the best is humble - traditional folk festivals; simple, honest food drowning in olive oil; music that pulls at the heart strings, recalling past love and glories; and markets overflowing with fish, fruit and flowers.

Who knows, maybe one day I'll be flying off to Portugal for photography assignments... with my faithful Sherpa of course, who will help me carry my equipment.