utility vs. futility...

public display of transit affection... © Raffaella Loro

Today I'm feeling anything but useful. I've edited some photos here and there, but I've got that taste of limbo in my mouth... like I'm just waiting for a certain amount of time to pass before all the things that need to happen will happen. Perhaps it is my current state of full-time joblessness that makes me feel this way. I shouldn't feel this way, especially considering that I do have a purpose for being in Fort St. John right now, seeing that I have a wedding to shoot this weekend. I must still be transitioning from my status as a regular employee with the School District. I had something to do during the day when I wasn't mulling over my photos.

I'm wondering what to call myself... am I a professional photographer in the early stages of her career or am I a photography hobbyist who is currently looking for work? My very practical side leans towards the latter, especially when I think of the bills that need to be paid and all the things that I have on my photography business to do list. But then I remember that I have a job booked for next summer... so I can't really consider myself just a hobbyist.

bah.

I need to distract myself with something else right now. Packing up the rest of my room doesn't interest me and neither does reading. I've been looking at images all day, studying other wedding photos in an effort to make sure that I am alert enough to catch all sorts of moments at the wedding. It would be nice to be shooting with another person or even to have a dedicated assistant, but the timing of the wedding didn't allow for Wade to come up and I don't have enough equipment ot give my brother a camera if I end up taking him along to cart all of the stuff that I might bring with me. There is supposed to be another woman there taking pictures, but she's there more in a kind of snapshot capacity.

Maybe my mood is matching the weather... it's indecisive, can't make up it's mind between rain or shine.