split personality/two faced

Feeling a little bitter right now... wishing that my bitterness would be carried away by the wind but I'm in bed and the breeze only blows into my basement bedroom and not the other way around. I know this bitterness is just the result of one of those late night moods because I've spent a week feeling useless and my attempt to be assertive and do something I wanted to didn't work out. Oh well, the bitter aftertaste of uselessness and failure will disappear after a night of restless sleep.

I always remember reading this story Necessary Nellie (which google tells me was written by Charlotte Baker in 1945) in one of the readers that my darling mama used to rigorously test me for spelling and comprehension... anyhow, I bring up NN not only because it is how I remember how to spell necessary, but because the main point of the story was that Nellie was necessary to her adopted family. Nellie was a dalmation I think, and the dog catcher was trying to take her away from her owners... but the dog court judge relented when the youngest owner told the judge that Nellie was necessary... *sob* what a beautiful story. My point is not that I want a dog catcher to try to take me away... but that I want to be necessary. Damn it, I want people to plead with the judge that I'm necessary. If they can do it for a little bitch in '45 they can sure as hell do it for a bitch in '05 (insert maniacal laughter here).

It's amazing how much indirect venting helps.

On a completely unrelated note I think I want to have a picnic at some kind of body of water tomorrow. If just so I can have the chance to wear one of my bikinis... even if my bikini is under the rest of my clothes. The forecast looks ok... I'll see who/what/where/when/why I can convince to go/come/accompany/transport/pretend that I am necessary with me.

bon nuit...