the reluctant... no, make that the hesitant celebrant

There are some people who can react to news of an exciting prospect with an easy nonchalance and go on with their days like nothing significant is going to happen. The event comes and goes and they go on with their life without any real change to their schedules.

I am not one of those people.

In the days or weeks leading up to an event, I fluctuate between blind optimism and moments like now when I can't help but ask myself, "Self... what have you done?" It's not regret, more so the feeling of queasy nervousness as if I'm walking those bits of street left darkened by a broken street lamp.

Yesterday someone was talking to me about astrology so in a moment of boredom I googled the characteristics of my astrological sign, Cancer. Now from the little I know of astrology (which is basically nothing) I know that there is supposedly a lot more to it than just the stereotypical qualities of the sun signs. However, despite all that my quick google search was missing, I was moderately amused by the results.

As a water sign, Cancerians are supposed to be made as changeable as the tides under the influence of the moon while at the same time being obstinately tenacious. They are supposed to be complex and difficult to understand because mood swings can make them combative and cranky one minute and sweet and caring the next minute.

More than any other sign, Cancer is associated with emotional sensitivity and sympathy, domestic security, maternal instincts, and homemaking. These qualities would make it an easy matter for them to develop life-long bonds with people they find agreeable, which astrology says is what they are able to do.

The Crab represents them well, because they are said to become as hard as nails on the outside in order to protect an inner softness. If it's true that they can be can easily be hurt, then it's understandable why they are said to be experts at sulking like children. Like many children, they are said to be extremely obstinate, and don't like to give in until they get their way.

The Cancerian's supposed love for theatricality - the ebb and flow of passion - must be derived from the its similarity to the ebb and flow of the oceans under the influence of the moon. In this, Cancerians are said to prefer being spectators and hero-worshippers rather than being participants and hero figures themselves.

A typical cancerian can be an active participant in politics, but is more likely to be a supporter than a political leader. But, cancerians with the moon in Sagittarius or Virgo are said to show greater ability as public speakers than is usual for members of the sign. Cancerians are supposed to be conservative and homeloving, often trying to fashion their lives around some romantic ideal, yet they're also said to be easily carried away by excitement.

Having a good sense of value and being inventive generally, especially as business organisers, with a flair for originality, cancerians are usually successful in life. They are said to possess excellent memories and have a sharp ear that can make them excellent mimics. Indeed, they are said to have an unconscious tendency to copy others, and should therefore take care in the kind of company they keep lest they fall into bad company and get carried away into trouble. Although they are supposed to be affectionate and sociable, a typical cancerian is said to be shy and somewhat possessive.

I refuse to compare this one description of the typical Cancerian with myself. The people who know me may comment on whether or not they think that this description describes portions of my personality.

(editor's note: I'm a little worried about the conservative homemaking and falling into bad company bits. Those were definite things I did not know about myself. I think I might need to follow this up with a little visit to a gypsy to get my palm read)