in spite of all the damage...

oh what a night
Why'd it take so long to see the light?
Seemed so wrong, but now it seems so right.
oh what a fool, what a night!

Am I taking some liberties with this song? Of course... It's for artistic purposes only so I think I'm allowed.

I had an interesting conversation with the boy tonight. It was a strange experience, I was angry but instead of becoming overly emotional as I tended to do with him in the past I was pushing buttons and seeing how far I could go.

One of his gems of the night... when he declared, there's something intimate about sex but he said it in a way that suggested that he was saying something really insightful. I often wonder how the boy acquired this certain talent for stating the obvious.

I'm feeling a little dull now. He seems happy in his simple way, and I'm happy for him in my complex and convoluted way. I'm just left with a really strange feeling. It's as if I expect to be angrier or more upset, but all I'm left with a stale taste in my mouth. I'm a bit irritated with the fact that he took ballroom dancing lessons with someone else when he refused to do them with me, and that he took his new girlfriend to the zoo on their first date when he made a point of refusing to go to the zoo with me when we were dating. Those two things I am minorly hurt by... but as I said to him, there's really no point in being upset because taking ballroom dancing lessons or going to the zoo wouldn't have made our relationship any better and I still would have broken up with him.

I have to give the boy some credit though, he did take some of my parting words to heart. I mean if he hadn't he wouldn't have taken dance lessons or attempted to go on "dates". But our conversation also highlighted the ways he hasn't changed, like his lack of subtlety... he wants me to know how he is not as stingy as he used to be so he tells me how he doesn't even care what the costs of his phone bill will be, he tells me how he generously paid for $300 worth of groceries with no complaint. Oh bravo boy... you deserve a rich reward.

but I'm not really feeling lonely or desperate. I'll be in a relationship again some day... it might be a couple years but I'll survive. I crave romantic love as much as the next person (well except for those asexuals from utne) but I am not going on the hunt for it... I'll cling to my notion that things happen when they happen. Like when my proxy introduces me to a charming fellow that he met in the foreign foods section at the grocery store/MacWorld/computer store/music store/University Grad Lounge (any one will work really) and I introduce my proxy to an equally charming individual.

In other news... work starts on Monday. Hizzah! And tomorrow I'm scheduling in some photography therapy.

good night and bon nuit...