convenience store...

My good friend google just acquired this mobile social software called dodgeball. I'm not really excited about it... not in the way that I was excited about Flickr or mildly interested in it as I was in Gmail. Mostly because (a) I don't live in the United States,(b) I don't use my cell phone that much, (c) and I don't have that many friends. It's kind of an interesting concept... it lets your friends and your friends friends know where you are in case they want to hook up... but knowing how picky I can be about who I hang out with... I am not really sure how excited I would be about dodgeball if I say (a)lived in the United States, (b)owned a cooler cellphone that I used more, and (c) had more friends. Dodgeball is obviously designed for larger urban centres... doesn't make sense for tiny cities like the one I currently inhabit. I don't need a text message to tell me if someone is nearby. I can look for their vehicle in the parking lot, or I can just go to the big box store that sucks the life and energy out of every town that it comes into (WM are your ears burning?) but cannot be avoided because it (a) undersells pretty much every other store on all those everyday products like shampoo or lotion and (b) eventually destroys any other competition in the community so there is no place to go in town that is convenient.

On the subject of convenience and friends... and this actually is related to the content of this blog rant. This much I know about myself. I can be very insecure and neurotic. If I had to compare myself to some type of tree or woody-stemless plant, I would not be a giant sequoia, but instead the little vine that sits in the corner but needs constant love and attention. I am the plant that people need to talk to otherwise I will grow into a sickly looking thing that coughs like Zoolander with the black lung, or Wort from Sword in the Stone when he has been turned into a bird and has just fell down the soot filled chimney into Madame Mim's cottage (check out that obscure reference... I'm on fire. And since I've gotten a little sidetracked here, I just thought I mention that not enough people appreciate the genius of Disney's Sword in the Stone...). Anyhow, back to being a wilting plant with the curs'ed black lung. I know that every few days I start to doubt my self worth. I become very needy, and fall into the rut of doormat mentality... you know... I start to think that I'm only a friend of convenience... a box of tissue to be used over and over again but tossed away each time (I could come up with a few more metaphors but I'll spare you). I know that it is wrong to feel like this all the time, and each time I get in this mood I talk myself out of it. But I'm a feedback junkie... I need constant validation from others. Okay, not quite constant... I am managing to survive with the occassional. I can't really help my neediness though and because I allow myself to be irrational in my blog rants I'm going to blame my elder siblings... who didn't love me enough and used to call me baby and chase me around the living room chanting "Rip off her nose big slime," followed by "No, Make her eat it first" (I think these are lines from some BMX movie that we saw in the 80s, I have no idea what movie though). Oh the emotional scarring...

but I think I've entertained myself enough for the time being. It's only Wednesday and I'm ready for the weekend already.