dirty pop...


me and my camera

I'm procrastinating. I've been analyzing my collective media experience for my last course, halfheartedly I will admit, because I was posting photos to my flickr photostream because my social life is null when my social coordinator is busy. I know that I sound like a broken record, but writing out my frustrations is about the best way that I can deal with my relative unpopularity. I know I'm not a detested freak, I'm just difficult to get along with as I've been told that I'm blunt, and I often consider myself as slightly opinionated (ok, very) as well as demanding. But it doesn't make sense to me to try to be something I'm not. It's very difficult for me to force an interest in things and people who I don't feel a natural connection with. But that doesn't leave me with a lot of people clambering for my attention. I think I've been having the same problem with making friends my entire life. I'm too aloof and too cautious. How do I change that without seeming overly pushy? I analyze things far too much. Things are always far easier if I stop deliberating over the implications of every phonecall, every email, every instance where I try to communicate with others. It's always a constant battle, which I overcome by telling myself that there is nothing wrong with feeling lonely or wanting to spend time with the few and far between that I am lucky enough to call friends.

Work starts tomorrow... so that is the end of my sleeping in during the week. I'm excited about the work and looking forward to having something to do during the day besides school. I'd like to think that I will be less apt to wax melancholic about my small social network (don't get me wrong... it's made up of people I adore, but they are limited in number and not available 24/7) because I'll be too busy, but that's not likely to happen. I seem to make a point of remembering.

Anyhow, I'm not really depressed... these were just my usual buildup of complaints that I need to release every once and a while. This usually happens after a period of increased social productivity. Yesterday I went on a photo excursion with W. and had a simply marvelous time. It's the type of day you want to have every day, but no one's schedule allows for that. I posted many photos, and grouped them in a photoset that you can view as a slideshow.

But I must go clean the kitchen stove and then back to analyzing my collective media experience.