I have a summer cold (well technically a spring cold, but I'm trying to trick myself into thinking that it is summer) and I'd really just like to spend some time napping but I have school and work to do.

It's been a busy few weeks. Work has consumed a lot of time... I've been taking lots of pictures... Wade and I took photos for the local high school prom on Saturday which was fun and fabulous although very hectic. We had a bigger crowd than I anticipated, but we managed to get some good shots.

I really have nothing exciting to report. My brain is a little muddled from my cold and I have noticed that I am not performing at my optimum level. Will report more later... still selecting photos for my photo book, and I need to create a physical portfolio as well, with some nice quality prints. Oh the places I must go... the people I must see.

I like my job... it gives me plenty of opportunity to take photos. I can't really complain about that aspect of my work. Today I went to a talent showcase at Central and took this photo during the grand finale which involved a blacked out gym, performers dressed in black, classical music and glow sticks.

but my newly cut hair is starting to dry and I need to dry it before bed so I don't look ridiculous tomorrow. Lots of portrait opportunities coming up this weekend. Photographic partner W. has drummed up some "business" for portrait sessions before prom, as well as candid shot opportunities during the festivities. The groom from work returns tomorrow so we should have another wedding opportunity coming up soon.

bon voyage and bon nuit.

The weekend had its moments where the sun was out and I thought I was getting a little colour back in my skin. Standing next to Berto in this photo I can see that I have a long ways to go.

Work is going really well, but I haven't had a day off yet. It is different type of work than I am used to... I've been doing office work for such a long time that I tend to feel like I haven't done enough if I don't spend a few hours in front of the computer. I'm slowly becoming accustomed to the pace which can be both frantic and drawn out.

One downside to work (as always) is that I no longer have the luxury of getting those few hours of truly restful sleep in the morning which tends to make me tired by the end of the day. This is no different than most people, but I'm going to claim that my situation is unique because I was once iron deficient. It's my claim to fame.

Had a case of domestic drudgery yesterday as I had the urge to cook, so I prepared a batch of wontons for beloved family and friends (wrapped in the traditional manner).

but my mind is truly wandering... time to close this post and head off to bed.

make a guess...

anyhow, this is a picture I took through the sunroof of my work vehicle at the end of the day today. You can't tell from the sky but it was hailing twenty minutes/half and hour before this shot was taken. Weird weather we have here.

Somebody find me a job for next September. I can take photographs and write articles. I can be your personal shopper... I can interior decorate on a budget. Where are all the rich patrons of the arts when we need them?

Here's a post just before I head off to bed to get some much needed sleep. Tonight was election night (and surprise surprise... guess who won) and the radio station decided to do an evening of political commentary and on-site interviews at the various campaign offices. I was stationed at the party-less independent campaign headquarters. It was a very interesting evening. I tend to sound very monotone on air, but I hope that the quality of my thoughtful questions would make up for it. I will have to pull my audio clips off to review them and get a critique. Who would have thought that it possible that in the course of a few days I could transform from slacker student to political correspondent?

I really need to go to bed though. I really have to get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow because I'm expected at the radio station by 7:30am, to which I am thinking to myself, gadzuks... don't people realize that I'm not a morning person. I'm not the type to be uncheerful and moody in the morning, rather I would prefer not to get out of bed at such ungodly hours. But it's all in the name of summer employment.

completely unrelated, but possible even more fabulous is my news that I found some models who are willing to pose for some wedding style portraits. They're getting married this weekend in Tofino and are willing to pose in their wedding attire for some pictures. This is absolutely marvelous because I really want to develop a portfolio.

but my bed beckons.

I'm so lazy that I'm recycling a blog post from the blog for my current course, but it has two different audiences so what the hell.

I started my new job today... in the wild world of radio. I think it's an interesting job selection as I don't really think at this time that I would really consider radio as a career option, as I tend to be to prefer behind the scenes production work more than being just a personality. Nevertheless I'm really excited about this job, in fact my friend today said I seemed positively giddy.

I think this is why I like short term positions or projects so much. Although I would like the stability of a long term position (or the stability of a sizeable inheritance), the short term projects I tend to get involved in keep me inspired and really energetic about the work that I am doing. It can be a little risky at times, because I'm often pushed out of my comfort zone and forced to do things I wouldn't normally do. But a little risk taking can be good. It gives us new experiences that only increases our knowledge and skillset. I tend to talk a lot like an employment counsellor, remnants of my days with HRDC perhaps.

It's late... I'm tired... and I must get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow. It's going to be election day and I get to be a report live from the office of the independent candidate. I was going to float between the candidates' office for both the Independent and the Green Party candidate (someone else already had dibs on the NDP), but since the Green Party candidate is in Whitehorse it looks like I'll have an even quieter night. It's the north after all, and even with my youthful optimism I can't forsee any real changes in the representation of this region.

I'm procrastinating. I've been analyzing my collective media experience for my last course, halfheartedly I will admit, because I was posting photos to my flickr photostream because my social life is null when my social coordinator is busy. I know that I sound like a broken record, but writing out my frustrations is about the best way that I can deal with my relative unpopularity. I know I'm not a detested freak, I'm just difficult to get along with as I've been told that I'm blunt, and I often consider myself as slightly opinionated (ok, very) as well as demanding. But it doesn't make sense to me to try to be something I'm not. It's very difficult for me to force an interest in things and people who I don't feel a natural connection with. But that doesn't leave me with a lot of people clambering for my attention. I think I've been having the same problem with making friends my entire life. I'm too aloof and too cautious. How do I change that without seeming overly pushy? I analyze things far too much. Things are always far easier if I stop deliberating over the implications of every phonecall, every email, every instance where I try to communicate with others. It's always a constant battle, which I overcome by telling myself that there is nothing wrong with feeling lonely or wanting to spend time with the few and far between that I am lucky enough to call friends.

Work starts tomorrow... so that is the end of my sleeping in during the week. I'm excited about the work and looking forward to having something to do during the day besides school. I'd like to think that I will be less apt to wax melancholic about my small social network (don't get me wrong... it's made up of people I adore, but they are limited in number and not available 24/7) because I'll be too busy, but that's not likely to happen. I seem to make a point of remembering.

Anyhow, I'm not really depressed... these were just my usual buildup of complaints that I need to release every once and a while. This usually happens after a period of increased social productivity. Yesterday I went on a photo excursion with W. and had a simply marvelous time. It's the type of day you want to have every day, but no one's schedule allows for that. I posted many photos, and grouped them in a photoset that you can view as a slideshow.

But I must go clean the kitchen stove and then back to analyzing my collective media experience.

is this my world view... according to this quiz anyhow.

What is Your World View?
created with QuizFarm.com

Cultural Creative		94%
Idealist		75%
Existentialist		69%
Postmodernist		69%
Romanticist		56%
Modernist		44%
Materialist		38%
Fundamentalist		6%

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

It was such a beautiful day outside... and I felt really summery so I found a dress and fixed my hair... and took to the streets (Well actually, I fixed my hair after I took to the streets, but that's another story). It's a new era for me, today's self portrait session was a celebration of being single, intelligent, and beautiful. Hurrah for me.

I walked to work (it's been a while since I have been able to say that) to get select a t-shirt size and I got oggled by my good friends the construction workers who are renovating the old public library, fields, and wells fargo financial whatever into the new shoppers drug mart. Funny story about my friends the construction workers... I figured out their secret code for when they think a pretty (or chubby) girl is walking by. Steady... the code is... "Lyle, Do you have any callipers?" I think my friends the construction workers need to work on their code a bit... because any fool knows that cal·i·per (also cal·li·per) n. is defined as...

1. An instrument consisting essentially of two curved hinged legs, used to measure thickness and distances. Often used in the plural.
2. A large instrument having a fixed and a movable arm on a graduated stock, used for measuring the diameters of logs and similar objects.

Tomorrow is also supposed to be nice. I'm going to a BBQ to meet and greet the new coworkers and to also get some sun. I need a loose this sickly sallow look... it doesn't match my inner brilliance.

oh what a night
Why'd it take so long to see the light?
Seemed so wrong, but now it seems so right.
oh what a fool, what a night!

Am I taking some liberties with this song? Of course... It's for artistic purposes only so I think I'm allowed.

I had an interesting conversation with the boy tonight. It was a strange experience, I was angry but instead of becoming overly emotional as I tended to do with him in the past I was pushing buttons and seeing how far I could go.

One of his gems of the night... when he declared, there's something intimate about sex but he said it in a way that suggested that he was saying something really insightful. I often wonder how the boy acquired this certain talent for stating the obvious.

I'm feeling a little dull now. He seems happy in his simple way, and I'm happy for him in my complex and convoluted way. I'm just left with a really strange feeling. It's as if I expect to be angrier or more upset, but all I'm left with a stale taste in my mouth. I'm a bit irritated with the fact that he took ballroom dancing lessons with someone else when he refused to do them with me, and that he took his new girlfriend to the zoo on their first date when he made a point of refusing to go to the zoo with me when we were dating. Those two things I am minorly hurt by... but as I said to him, there's really no point in being upset because taking ballroom dancing lessons or going to the zoo wouldn't have made our relationship any better and I still would have broken up with him.

I have to give the boy some credit though, he did take some of my parting words to heart. I mean if he hadn't he wouldn't have taken dance lessons or attempted to go on "dates". But our conversation also highlighted the ways he hasn't changed, like his lack of subtlety... he wants me to know how he is not as stingy as he used to be so he tells me how he doesn't even care what the costs of his phone bill will be, he tells me how he generously paid for $300 worth of groceries with no complaint. Oh bravo boy... you deserve a rich reward.

but I'm not really feeling lonely or desperate. I'll be in a relationship again some day... it might be a couple years but I'll survive. I crave romantic love as much as the next person (well except for those asexuals from utne) but I am not going on the hunt for it... I'll cling to my notion that things happen when they happen. Like when my proxy introduces me to a charming fellow that he met in the foreign foods section at the grocery store/MacWorld/computer store/music store/University Grad Lounge (any one will work really) and I introduce my proxy to an equally charming individual.

In other news... work starts on Monday. Hizzah! And tomorrow I'm scheduling in some photography therapy.

good night and bon nuit...

My good friend google just acquired this mobile social software called dodgeball. I'm not really excited about it... not in the way that I was excited about Flickr or mildly interested in it as I was in Gmail. Mostly because (a) I don't live in the United States,(b) I don't use my cell phone that much, (c) and I don't have that many friends. It's kind of an interesting concept... it lets your friends and your friends friends know where you are in case they want to hook up... but knowing how picky I can be about who I hang out with... I am not really sure how excited I would be about dodgeball if I say (a)lived in the United States, (b)owned a cooler cellphone that I used more, and (c) had more friends. Dodgeball is obviously designed for larger urban centres... doesn't make sense for tiny cities like the one I currently inhabit. I don't need a text message to tell me if someone is nearby. I can look for their vehicle in the parking lot, or I can just go to the big box store that sucks the life and energy out of every town that it comes into (WM are your ears burning?) but cannot be avoided because it (a) undersells pretty much every other store on all those everyday products like shampoo or lotion and (b) eventually destroys any other competition in the community so there is no place to go in town that is convenient.

On the subject of convenience and friends... and this actually is related to the content of this blog rant. This much I know about myself. I can be very insecure and neurotic. If I had to compare myself to some type of tree or woody-stemless plant, I would not be a giant sequoia, but instead the little vine that sits in the corner but needs constant love and attention. I am the plant that people need to talk to otherwise I will grow into a sickly looking thing that coughs like Zoolander with the black lung, or Wort from Sword in the Stone when he has been turned into a bird and has just fell down the soot filled chimney into Madame Mim's cottage (check out that obscure reference... I'm on fire. And since I've gotten a little sidetracked here, I just thought I mention that not enough people appreciate the genius of Disney's Sword in the Stone...). Anyhow, back to being a wilting plant with the curs'ed black lung. I know that every few days I start to doubt my self worth. I become very needy, and fall into the rut of doormat mentality... you know... I start to think that I'm only a friend of convenience... a box of tissue to be used over and over again but tossed away each time (I could come up with a few more metaphors but I'll spare you). I know that it is wrong to feel like this all the time, and each time I get in this mood I talk myself out of it. But I'm a feedback junkie... I need constant validation from others. Okay, not quite constant... I am managing to survive with the occassional. I can't really help my neediness though and because I allow myself to be irrational in my blog rants I'm going to blame my elder siblings... who didn't love me enough and used to call me baby and chase me around the living room chanting "Rip off her nose big slime," followed by "No, Make her eat it first" (I think these are lines from some BMX movie that we saw in the 80s, I have no idea what movie though). Oh the emotional scarring...

but I think I've entertained myself enough for the time being. It's only Wednesday and I'm ready for the weekend already.

My mother told me today that I was looking pale. That means I have to start spending some time outside in order to get some colour in my skin. In fact not only my mother told me I was looking pale... I was ambushed as I came up the stairs from my dungeon bedroom. Oh mein papa said I look yellow, my sister in law more or less agreed with my mother that I look sickly, and my two brothers will always say I look pale because they keep a tan all year long. The weather network is predicting fairly nice weather tomorrow which means I can take my computer with the beautiful screen but faulty keyboard thanks to the damn cat outside on the sundeck (which I will get to by exiting the sliding door and not the screen door).

This town is very amusing. It is impossible to be seen with anyone of the opposite sex without people automatically jumping to the conclusion that you are dating. My one friend (who for the sake of unnecessary anonymity shall remain nameless) told me a funny story where one of his coworkers was questioning him about me. It seems that we've gone to Walmart too many times together. In this town shopping at a big box store with someone is perhaps one of the most intimate acts you can share with a person. I was unaware of this... It is most unfortunate for the town gossips that here is nothing juicy to talk about regarding my love life. I have few friends and even fewer romantic suitors begging for my attention. At least I can be happy with the knowledge that my rep is not so bad. I am lucky to have a proxy/decoy boyfriend at my disposal.

Got the bad news that I have to pay at least $3500 by June 1st for my tuition DEPOSIT. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Just knowing how much $$$$$ I have to make to finish my degree is overwhelming. I'm not going to travel... I'm not going to be anywhere different next year. I'll be alone in my dungeon bedroom, with no friends in town... turning an even lighter shade of pale.

Summer sun you're my only hope...

Strange things happen at night. Take yesterday for example, I came home and nothing was wrong but then suddenly in the midst of brushing my teeth I became all melancholy. And by melancholy I mean visually upset. It had been a while since I've been upset for no apparent reason... so I just went with the flow. Of course I'm fine now, rarely does the entirety of my bad mood last through an evening of sleep. I'm not quite walking with a skip in my step, but I'm not dragging my feet either.

... anyhow, I'm hungry and I should eat, and then I need to find something to do.

I broke the 4000 mark on flickr! I'm at 4021 views... I think that's reason for a minor celebration. If only my blog were so popular.

now I'll state up front that I'm not feeling unloved nor am I in a state of depression. I'm in an unusually fine mood because I had an industrious day. I didn't really get the chance to feel bored... which is good because usually it is when I am bored that I become overly dramatic and melancholy.

However, despite my fine mood, I have still managed to find some items for discussion that can be classified as less than bubbly, or moderately lower on the cheerful scale than say an announcement that I have miraculously come into some money that will pay for the rest of my education. Such is not the case, so you may continue to wonder what will be dissected and dismembered in today's critique column.

Well as I recently lamented my continuing membership in the spinsterhood, today I will elucidate my continual battle with what I will term the third wheel syndrome. In most social situations I have the tendency to be an +1 or was invited by way of another. In most instances I have no problem with this, nor do the additional parties participating in those social situations... after all, if I did not come as +1 or live vicariously through more prominent socialites, I might have no social life at all and the world would not have the pleasure of interacting with the gem that I am. Eventually I lose my +1 status and become accepted as an almost fully functioning individual in that particular social circle. I say almost because every once and a while a circumstance arises that highlights my origins as a +1. It's not really so bothersome... my soul isn't crushed and I don't lie awake at nights contemplating the greater questions of life (ok maybe I do, but I would have done that anyways). The point is that I manage to get through it. I can't pretend that I have loads of other friends I can call up when some tentative plans I've made fall through. I usually end up at home, finishing laundry or reading a book. I can't pretend that my evening gets more exciting than that because that would be dishonest and everybody knows that dishonest people will burn in the firey furnance of hell (like how I just threw that one in there out of nowhere?).

anyhow. long and somewhat pointless but still helpful as it gave me the opportunity to vent blog post later... third wheel syndrome afflicts people with the BUF (back up friendship) gene. The BUF gene means that you are predisposed to offer support when needed, you're often the third wheel, and you spend evenings home alone doing laundry and reading books. Wait a minute... how the hell did I get back to talking about my membership in the spinsterhood association?

Anyhow, the sun is setting outside and it looks absolutely stunning. I think I'm going to take some pictures... screw the laundry and the books... those can both wait until after dark.

Completely unrelated... this week's free single from iTunes (Your Ex-Lover is Dead by the Stars) has the most hilarious intro... a deep voice intones "When there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire." Fabulous beginning...

I just finished David Sedaris' collection of short stories (or essays if you prefer) Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. It was a very amusing and entertaining set of essays and I would recommend it to anyone looking for a humorous and witty read. I have borrowed another of Sedaris' works Holidays on Ice which I will probably start reading once I've made this blog post. I am catching up on the reading that I have not been doing of late... I have raided W.'s library and will also be reading The Restaurant at the End of the Universe as well as Steve Martin's Pure Drivel.

I anticipate finishing these books very quickly, since that is what I tend to do with everything I read. It is my sincere hope that my younger sister will remember to send me some more books to read as she claimed she would be doing weeks ago. I could try to slow down my reading, but I have this need for speed (without sacrificing comprehension of course), a habit acquired during my youth where I attempted to read as much as I possibly could before my parents discovered that I was reading (translation: having fun) rather than studying. (I admit that I'm exaggerating a wee bit here... my parents were benevolent tyrants who encouraged reading).

Oh... The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy was entertaining... It seemed a bit empty at times, but it still had many very witty moments. Perhaps my favourite aspect of the film was the narration by Stephen Fry (of Jeeves and Wooster and Black Adder fame) and the animations for each narrated guidebook entry. And then of course there was the musical number during the opening credits as well as a marvelous scene with the oh so popular John Malkovich. I won't say much more because it's late, and I have some speed reading to do.

Friday afternoon I took pictures at the high school for one a possible project for one of W.'s classes. This photo is the model skeleton from my old biology 11 class. I just did some minor adjustments to the colour temperature and the levels. (That's about all I ever do).

Friday evening was very amusing... I went for a little festivus with the usual crowd, but there was an unexpected addition to the party that changed the mood somewhat, and put everyone on their best behaviour. It turned out to be a very amusing evening, but far too complex to describe in this bare bones blog post.

Saturday, I took to the road with W. and J. We stormed the stores of the Prairie Mall, watched an arm wrestling competiton in the food court, and feasted on sushi at the charming restaurant Tokyo Ichiban near Winners (which we did not get to on time), Jysk (which was closed), and Michaels (which had very slow service. It was a lovely road trip... we were enveloped in sound from W.'s stereo, we experienced a stunning sunset that we collectively refused to photograph, and I had the opportunity to tell very entertaining stories about my past romance. I had two very sympathetic listeners with me... thank you, you're both absolute darlings.

on tonight's agenda... The Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy at the aurora cinema centre.

and a giant congratulations to my sweet friend Amber... who has completed her undergraduate degree at UofA, bought a condo, and moved to Calgary. All the best my dear!