the conspiracy of the beaver paddle...


I'm in the midst of organizing my vast clothing collection in my room in preparation of letting some people view my inner sanctum... but I'm exhausted from my day at work which consisted of an ok morning paired with a rather tiring afternoon as a TOC, or UTOC as I like to say. I have no patience tonight for organizing this room. I don't want to show it to anyone. It's a jumble of boxes and books and all sorts of things that exemplify my state of constant nomadism. I am at fault for the continuation of this state of temporary living, but I don't think I've ever wanted to unpack and organize things properly... because it would mean that I'm settling and I don't want to do that here. Besides, I'm moving in just over a month. What's the point?

From time to time I am shocked by the way that the students treat each other. They are truly horrible and show almost no remorse for what they do or say. This afternoon I had to play peacemaker between a set of waring students, each one acting without thinking resulting in them doing and saying really stupid things. But they just don't seem to care. I don't think I was ever like that.

I seem to have left myself in a bit of a dismal mood. I should be excited and happy though, since the long weekend is only a short work day away... In an effort to make things a bit more cheerful I will share with you a funny article that my brother emailed me today about a new DaVinci Code conspiracy... or more specifically, as the article states, "We're talking about a vast real-life global conspiracy, possibly involving the Vatican and perpetuated by some of the most powerful people in the world."

That is... "Why is Tom Hanks' character wearing a mullet?"

The article as a whole is quite funny and the full text can be found here. However, I'm including a small excerpt in case the link ever disappears.

To prove there's a conspiracy afoot, one needs to look no further than Brown's book for the physical description of the Langdon character. It reads as follows:

"The past year had taken a heavy toll on him, but he didn't appreciate seeing proof in the mirror. His usually sharp blue eyes looked hazy and drawn tonight. A dark stubble was shrouding his strong jaw and dimpled chin. Around his temples, the grey highlights were advancing, making their way deeper into his thicket of coarse black hair." (Italics added for emphasis.)

Notice that Brown didn't write " ... making their way deeper into his thicket of coarse black hair that appeared to be shorter on the sides and longer on the back." Or " ... his thicket of coarse black hair that looked exactly like Wayne Gretzky's right after the Edmonton Oilers traded him to the Los Angeles Kings."

With no other explanation, Hanks' haircut can mean only one thing -- a covert attempt by the biggest players in Hollywood to return the mullet to prominence, quite possibly at the behest of the Catholic Church.

Still confused? Follow this logic:

Where do a lot of people with mullets end up? In prison.

What was the only movie where Hanks played a prison guard? "The Green Mile."

Who did Hanks' "The Green Mile" co-star Michael Jeter play in "Sister Act II: Back in the Habit"? Father Ignatius.

And who, ultimately, gave Father Ignatius his orders? The Vatican.

Could it be any clearer what is behind this? The Vatican, after hiding for centuries the true story that Jesus had a mullet, conspired with hundreds of celebrities in the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s to make the haircut popular so they could reveal the truth.

When the Beastie Boys thwarted this plan, the Roman Catholic Church forced Ron Howard to direct "The Da Vinci Code," knowing that it would become a hit movie, where the much-loved Hanks could bring the haircut to new heights of popularity.

(And if it's really not all that clear, is the above explanation any more outlandish than the content of any of Brown's books?)

I still haven't figured out where Mary Magdalene fits into all of this. But I'm pretty sure she had hair like Nancy McKeon in the seventh season of "The Facts of Life."

Peter Hartlaub 2006 (

With that I bid you adieu for the evening. I'm done with organizing for the night, perhaps I might continue tomorrow when I wake up at the crack of dawn because I'm anticipating the start of the weekend.


  1. Hey Fella,

    There is a way to verify the truth...

    There's a bit more to the story of the Vatican's reaction than most are yet aware of. Read my missive below to understand what they truly fear. It's not the DaVinci Code or Gospel of Judas per se, but the fact that people have been motivated to seek out the unequivocal truth about an age of deception, exactly when they expect me to appear. The Gospel of Judas and DaVinci Code controversies are allowing people to take new stock of the Vatican and the religions it has spawned.

    Remember, "I come as a thief..." ?

    Yes, the DaVinci Code is a novel. It is no more accurate as a literal version of history than is the New Testament. In other words, neither is the literal truth, which is a key fact of the story and ancient history. The primary sub-plot is about purposeful symbology being used to encode hidden meanings, exactly like the Bible and related texts. Arguing about whether the DaVinci Code, Gospel of Judas, or the Bible are accurate history is a Machiavellian red herring designed to hide the truth by misdirecting your inquiry away from the heart of the matter.

    Want to truly understand why we can't let the Vatican succeed at telling us what to think about ancient history? There is a foolproof way to verify the truth and expose centuries-old religious deceptions. It is also the common thread connecting why the ancient Hebrews, Yahad/Essene, Jews, Gnostics, Cathars, Templars, Dead Sea Scrolls, DaVinci Code, and others have all been targets of Rome’s ire and evil machinations. What the Vatican and its secret society cohorts don’t want you to understand is that the ancient Hebrew symbology in all of these texts purposely encodes and exposes the truth about them. Furthermore, the structure of ancient symbology verifiably encodes the rules to decode messages built with it. This is what they most fear you will discover.

    If the Bible represented the literal truth or even accurate history, there would be no need for faith in the assertions of deceptive and duplicitous clergy and their ilk. Wisdom and faith are opposing concepts, because wisdom requires the unequivocal truth where faith obfuscates and opposes it. Religion is therefore the enemy of truth and wisdom.

    It is undeniable the New Testament is framed by ancient Hebrew symbolism and allegory. The same is evidenced in the Dead Sea Scrolls, Gnostic texts, biblical apocrypha, DaVinci Code, and other related texts. All ancient religious, mystical, and wisdom texts have been shrouded in mystery for millennia for one primary reason: The ability to understand their widely evidenced symbology was lost in antiquity. How do we finally solve these ages-old mysteries? To recast an often-used political adage: It’s [the] symbology, stupid!

    It is amazing the Vatican still tries to insist the Gospels are literal truth. It is beyond obvious they are replete with ancient Hebrew symbology. Every miracle purported for Jesus has multiple direct symbolic parallels in the Old Testament, Apocalypse, Dead Sea Scrolls, and other symbolic narratives and traditions. This is the secret held by the ancient Gnostics, Templars, and Cathars, which is presented with dramatic effect in the DaVinci Code. None of these narratives or stories were ever intended as the literal truth. That is a key fact to unraveling ages-old mysteries.

    Likewise, the following Washington Post article ( The Book of Bart) describes how many changes and embellishments were made to New Testament texts over the centuries, unequivocally demonstrating they are not original, infallible, or truthful.

    It's no wonder the Vatican fears the truth more than anything else. Seek to understand the symbolic significance of my name (Seven Star Hand) and you will have proof beyond disproof that Jews, Christians, and Muslims have long been duped by the great deceivers I warned humanity about over the millennia. What then is the purpose of "faith" but to keep good people from seeking to understand truth and wisdom?

    Now comes justice, hot on its heels... (symbolism...)

    Not only do I talk the talk, I walk the walk...
    Here is Wisdom!!

    Revelations from the Apocalypse

  2. I dunno about all that fancy talk about symbology and whatnot. I'm just a simple man, scratching out an honest living as a rice farmer in the hills of Mongolia. My Pa never had the money to send me to no fancy place of erudition. All I know is, Machiavelli never ate red herring. And another thing: literalist interpretations of modern European translations of the Bible ain't even necessarily those promulgated by the Vatican, y'see. It's best we remember that the canons, such as they are, don't even constitute no self-consistent monolithic logos. Where ya least expect it, diversity of interpretation reigns.

    So long,