wipe your footwear on my face


the truth of vanity
Originally uploaded by *raffaella.
Sometimes the most ridiculous things make me upset... like having to designate specific protocol for placing a phonecall... establishing specific times to talk... so things can be "civilized". Why must I always feel like I'm intruding on people's time and space whenever I want to communicate with them? Were we designed to spend our days in solitary confinement and whenever we wish to break our usual silence we are required to must get permission to do so?

I don't want to world to bow to my every will... but it bothers me that my foolish attempts to try to converse when I am actually wanting to (as in I'm not so exhausted that I start babbling on about nothing) are sometimes responded to with such patronizing "not now... why not later" attitude. People should not be expected to continually compromise, especially if the compromise doesn't work for either party. It has to be a blend of all three methods, which is not as a pretty as saying let's meet in the middle... it's not always possible to meet in the middle, sometimes you have to go back and forth between either extreme. Maybe this is just me drudging up old baggage relating to all those times when I was snapped at and told to shut up when I wasn't saying anything...

Perhaps I'll just go back to my long winded blog posts, that way I'm not intruding on anyone's space or precious sleep. I can stand on my virtual soapbox in the blogosphere and indulge in performance art. People can walk by and drop in their dollars and pity the girl who violated the unwritten rule of telephone correspondence and placed a call at 10am on a Sunday. Many people will disagree with me, but I think there are worse things than being woken up by a telephone. Try being the one admonished for making that phonecall... try feeling guilty and shamed for something so dumb. Did I wake your sickly baby? Did I disturb your prayer circle? Did I tie up the lines and prevent you from learning the news that you had won the lottery? I did none of these things... all I did was try to extend myself beyond my dungeon of a bedroom and try to have a little human contact because I was in a good mood and I wanted to share it.

but it doesn't matter in the end anyhow. I always end up waiting and adapting because that is what I do and that is what I've always done. My sisters call me doormat for a reason.


  1. you are protecting someone, yes?
    what are you getting out of keeping this secret?
    is it worth it?