This evening, in a regular fit of antisocialness I watched Deepa Mehta's film Water that I had picked up at the library this afternoon. It was a good choice to watch this movie alone because I cried and cried, just like the time my younger sister and I watched The Joy Luck Club. Every scrap of tissue in my room was used up, my eyes are raw and sore, and generally I feel like junk. It was a beautiful film nonetheless, what some might call a mood piece. I don't know why I cried so much in this film... maybe it's a good idea to blame it on my iron levels, whisper aenemia ever so quietly so someone upstairs might give me some calaloo to take back with me to my Edmonhome.
Come September I will have been blogging for two years. What purpose I've served besides moments like these where I need to feel like I'm doing something other than waiting for my body to fall asleep. A person can go through my monthly archives listed on the side and read the whole lot of nothing that I have stored there. Looking back to this time last year I can tell that I was reading The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. That's what I've collected here, useless babble that one day I might look back on and briefly relive these moments of tediousness when sleep wouldn't come fast enough.
But my eyes are starting to get tired now. I think staring at this computer screen has finally done the trick.
It's been yet another day, successful or unsuccessful, depending on your outlook on life. I woke up early to discover that the internet was still out (it was out for twelve hours) much to my shock and horror. So I tried to go back to sleep (it was still early) but I was too restless to really get any kind real sleep. So I spent a day talking trash, because that's what I do when I have nothing else to do. I edited some more photos, really giving power to the assumption that I never edit or post photos unless I'm in Fort St. John. It makes me wonder if I'm driven to create only in the confines of my dungeon bedroom...
I hope that's not true.
In other news... this evening I quickly went through the photos that I have posted to flickr and threw some together in a portfolio set. It's unlikely that all of the photos that are there are going to stay, especially since I have almost 50 photos added to the set so far. But I needed to start something. My hope is to have a photography website up and running before Christmas and I need to have a several categories of portfolio shots since I haven't decided whether I'm want to focus my attentions solely towards wedding photography or what. When I was still working for the radio station Wade (and I) had a conversation with the a professional photographer who worked the dog show circuit. He gave Wade (and me) a variety of advice about how to break into the business, one piece of advice being that we shouldn't try to do everything. We should pick one thing that we're good at and try to go with that. I think he might have meant it more in a broad sense, meaning that if we were going to shoot weddings that we shouldn't try to do videography as well, because being good at many things rarely makes you an expert in one. What I'd like to do is sit down with a second pair of eyes (and I don't mean me with my glasses on) and figure out what pictures I should showcase and what I should forget about. I have to go over all those questions like who are my targeted clientele... all that jazz that I like to ignore, because sometimes I like to live my life like a film trailer and I think if I build it, they will come. However, things are not that easy. In the next step down from the perfect world I'd want to sit down with a designer who can create the site I want, because even though I can do it, my skills are limited and it's more work than I want right now. How many different ways can I emit a sound of frustration right now. I need a distraction from this headache I'm giving myself.
and to think this is me after I went out for a daily constitutional.
Today I'm feeling anything but useful. I've edited some photos here and there, but I've got that taste of limbo in my mouth... like I'm just waiting for a certain amount of time to pass before all the things that need to happen will happen. Perhaps it is my current state of full-time joblessness that makes me feel this way. I shouldn't feel this way, especially considering that I do have a purpose for being in Fort St. John right now, seeing that I have a wedding to shoot this weekend. I must still be transitioning from my status as a regular employee with the School District. I had something to do during the day when I wasn't mulling over my photos.
I'm wondering what to call myself... am I a professional photographer in the early stages of her career or am I a photography hobbyist who is currently looking for work? My very practical side leans towards the latter, especially when I think of the bills that need to be paid and all the things that I have on my photography business to do list. But then I remember that I have a job booked for next summer... so I can't really consider myself just a hobbyist.
bah.
I need to distract myself with something else right now. Packing up the rest of my room doesn't interest me and neither does reading. I've been looking at images all day, studying other wedding photos in an effort to make sure that I am alert enough to catch all sorts of moments at the wedding. It would be nice to be shooting with another person or even to have a dedicated assistant, but the timing of the wedding didn't allow for Wade to come up and I don't have enough equipment ot give my brother a camera if I end up taking him along to cart all of the stuff that I might bring with me. There is supposed to be another woman there taking pictures, but she's there more in a kind of snapshot capacity.
Maybe my mood is matching the weather... it's indecisive, can't make up it's mind between rain or shine.
I've fallen back into the habit of not going to sleep early. It's not good, because it will just mean that my body will have to readjust to different hours all over again when I go back to Edmonton.
But my mind is mulling over things... I mentally preparing for the wedding that I have at the end of the week and I'm thinking more about the work I have been doing with photography. I've been talking for months about setting up a website and doing more stock photos (something I've been saying for more than a year now), but so far I haven't got around to formally doing anything about it. Methinks It's time to get my behind in gear. I need to design some business cards and have them printed off... all these things that are necessary to make a more significant attempt to professionalize myself photographically.
It'll all be done. I just need to consolidate my to do lists and stop being a spectactor watching things pass me by.
As glad as I am to be living in a city and visiting other cities, there is something reassuring in going for a walk down the quiet streets of my hometown. The sun was slowly setting and the air was warm and I retraced the steps that I've taken many times before.
and until the giant truck passed by I was content.
Some of us might remember the scene from The Sound of Music where Julie Andrews (Maria) and Christopher Plummer (Captain Von Trapp) are singing in the gazebo after they discover their mutual love for each other... So sweetly they sing the words...
Perhaps I had a wicked childhood
Perhaps I had a miserable youth
But somwhere in my wicked, miserable past
There must have been a moment of truth
For here you are, standing there, loving me
Whether or not you should
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good
Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good
However, somewhat unrelated yet still moderately linked to the lyrics (but I have musicals on the brain right now from a previous conversation with someone and I wanted to make a musical reference)... love aside, I did not have a wicked childhood and I might have done something bad on occasion... but what I did to deserve the recent situation I found myself in I don't really know.
Friday, after enduring several hours of transportational slumming on the Greyhound, I put myself quietly to bed and was up the next morning to get on the plane to Fort St. John. I arrived later in the afternoon and telephoned my wedding client to check in. After some brief conversation we were talking about where I should meet them (it was a quickly organized wedding and I didn't have all the details yet) and it was decided that I should first come to the hotel to take shots of the bridal party getting ready. I was starting to relax, everything was falling into place. But the hotel that I was told did not sound familiar to this area, so I asked for directions. The directions were a little vague at first and I did not recognize the street names... So then the directions became more specific, "Well if you're coming off the Whitemud...."
and then I started to panic.
Fort St. John doesn't have a Whitemud, the only city I know of that has a Whitemud is Edmonton. That meant I was in the totally wrong city and I did not know how it all happened because all my previous conversations (although few in number) gave me no reason to believe that I was supposed to go to Edmonton instead of Fort St. John. Obviously I'm upset about the whole thing, upset because the confusion left the wedding party without a photographer and because I also lost some income for the summer and because I gave up some vacation time with Aryn.
I don't know what crime I'm being punished for. It's really quite maddening.
But all I can do is make the best of things. So I've fallen back into my regular home routine. I've been on the computer all day long, lord knows what I've been accomplishing besides wasting time. Although tonight I'm meeting with my friend who's also in town for coffee briefly. I'll pour my sorrow into a tea or something from Tim Horton's, since the stylish coffee place in town is sure to be closed as it is Sunday night.
Oh the joys of being back in a small city.
I'm midway through my West Coast adventure... and I must admit to being a little weary of travel right now. After spending six months as a jet setter I was actually enjoying the quiet evenings I was spending in my new home. But I shouldn't complain too much... I am enjoying my time here and I am looking forward to seeing the famous Lasqueti Island in a couple days.
As for my trip so far... After a full day in Victoria I hopped over to Vancouver for my scheduled photoshoot and other photographic adventures. The shoot was fantastic, the weather was gorgeous and my clients were really fun models. The shoot had originally been scheduled for Friday but I came over a day early which turned out to be a good plan as we decided to take some shots on Thursday evening just so we could get in some more locations. Friday morning the sky was very overcast so we rescheduled the second set for Saturday (which turned out to be equally gloomy). I took advantage of my newfound free time by doing all the touristy things that I did not have a chance to do the last time I was in Vancouver.
When I first arrived in Vancouver I discovered that my eyecup (the cushy bit with dipotric adjustment) had fallen off. I was most displeased with that discovery as I had noticed that it was broken before I left Victoria and I had taken special care in the transport of my camera so I wouldn't lose that piece. However my efforts were in vain and the eyecup had somehow disappeared. My first plan in Vancouver was to go in search of a replacement eyecup, which I hoped would not prove difficult. I knew the location of several camera stores downtown so I went for a stroll which turned out to be more of a trek since i was carrying a backpack stuffed full of the items I would need for the next several days... in addition to my tripod. My quest proved to be more difficult than I wished, and I went to store after store only to find that the part that I wanted was either not carried or back-ordered. My camera is not unusable without this piece, but it is a pain to shoot without as my nose get smashed up against the LCD screen. (which reminds me/... tomorrow I am going to head to the various Victoria camera shops in search of the piece.) I wandered around for a bit more but eventually I ended up near Canada Place where I was going to meet with my clients for the photoshoot. I photographed them for a couple of hours and then I headed to West Vancouver to meet with my darling cousin Nuala who most graciously allowed me to trespass for a couple of days. The evening was rather quiet, we supped and conversed for a bit before heading to bed.
Friday morning I woke to overcast skies, but I took the bus downtown anyhow hoping that I might discover slightly better conditions... but of course they proved to be no better. So I took the seabus over to North Van and then transferred to the appropriate bus (#236) which took me to Capilano Suspension Bridge. I am not really a fan of heights but all the same they don't bother me terribly, so I figured that the suspension bridge wouldn't be that big of deal. I strolled around the very touristy park for a couple hours. The park first made me think of Swiss Family Robinson but later was more aptly compared to an Ewok village. I returned to downtown and after going up the Harbour Centre to take in the 360 degree views of Vancouver I called up my friend Matt (whom I inherited from Aryn... inheriting friends is something I seem to do well I think) and I headed across the bridge to geek out over his new MacBook Pro and then we went looking for a replacement eyecup only to discover that the one camera store that did actually carry them in stock had closed down it's Pacific Centre Call location. I cried and cursed them and then we headed to the Vancouver Aquarium in Stanley Park where we just missed the dolphin show but were able to catch the sea otter feeding and bellowing of the elephant seal. After discussing the skill and efficiency of the sidewalk artist, inherited friend and I parted ways and I headed back to West Van to meet up with cousin and her beau for an Indian feast.
As mentioned above, the weather on Saturday was no better than Friday (in fact it was worse)... so cousin Nuala and I went to the Vancouver Art Gallery and strolled through the various exhbitions before heading for some lunch. We parted ways and I took in the live BC History performance/exhibit at Storyeum in Gastown. It was a delightfully cheeseball presentation but the sets were fantastic. It was worth the price of admission just to see it rain indoors (I'd never seen that before). I would have been interested to go on a tour of the place with some of the set designers to learn how everything was put together. More on that in my next post however because I'm a little pressed for time at the moment. After Storyeum I ran up to Dr. Sun Yat Sen Gardens and wandered about there briefly before heading back to the waterfront centre to meet up with some Vandigicamers for a photowalk. We ended up walking all the way along the waterfront to commercial, passing the rail yards and sugar refinery and various colourful walls along the way. We went for dinner at Cafe Katmandu and had various traditional Tibetan meals. I had the Lhasa Momo (national dish of Nepal) which are steamed dumplings very similar to wontons. After dinner we all headed to Trout Lake Park for the Luminares Procession. Picture taking ensued until 10pm or so when I headed back downtown to go to sleep. Sunday morning I was late catching a bus to the harbour so I ended up being a little late, but luckily I was accompanied by my inherited friend so we went for lunch at The Mill in Coal Harbour with a server who spoke with a suspiciously faux English accent. Before I knew it I was back in Victoria, arriving at my brother's home just in time to catch him before he went for a walk. We strolled along the Songhees and then went to The Reef for some caribbean cooking. Blah blah blah... Sunday arrived, I did some apartment locating for my sister, some brief photo editing, and then dinner with Tonio at ReBar... then I got a call from Aryn saying he was off the trail and back in Victoria (an entire day early). So today we're off to Lasqueti by way of Saltspring... and then I'll be off to Fort St. John by way of Victoria.
No more computer for me for the rest of the week. I'll officially be on vacation.
In an effort to escape the recent heat wave that has hit the city of Edmonton, I recently spent 12+ hours in the backseat of a Jeep Rubicon in the lotus position trying to achieve inner peace. Instead I ended up with a temporarily twisted glute (the minimus) and a rather cranky disposition.
I have since recovered from both.
My coastal adventure has now moved into the second chapter, where I hop between cities and go mad in preparation of the two weddings that I will be shooting in the next coming weeks. The anticipation of having two such major events coming up is making me feel a little stressed out, which is why I considered in part staying Edmonton rather than going on this little vacation. However, I'm glad that I came (aside from having to endure a broken bum) because I've fallen back in love with the beautiful city of Victoria. It's a close rival to my other favourite city, Vancouver where I'll be for the next couple days (more photography). It feels good to be back in BC... which sounds ridiculous because I've only been living in Alberta for a few weeks now. I do like Edmonton, but to me it's only a temporary city and I don't get the same feeling when I'm there as I do when I'm in either of the V cities. However, Edmonton is my home now and I'm trying to make the best of it. When I return in a couple weeks I'll have less idle time on my hands with any combination of photo editing, school and work.
oh the joy!
I'm lacking a little creative motivation at the moment. I've barely taken any photos since I've moved to the city, just because I haven't really felt like it. I have however read three novels in the past week, catching up on a lot of the reading that I had not been doing during the winter.
but like other things, this brief period of lethargy will pass... and soon I will be complaining that I am too busy and do not have enough time to do all the things I want to do.
I am now officially moved to the city. I have not yet unpacked all my goods, but I've had a few other things that I've had to complete. My schooling has more or less been arranged, I had to spend some time at the program office today sorting out some misinformation that I had been fed several weeks earlier, but luckily everything is more or less the way that I want it. More specific details are probably not necessary because then this post would become a rant about the state of the post secondary system and not my general update about life or something like that.
I've just realized that my bedroom has no mirror. I am suddenly at a bit of a loss. There was a mirror on one wall until we shuffled some furniture around. I quite like mirrors and the room seems a bit empty without being able to see my reflection somewhere. I think something needs to be done about this.
My sinus cold seems to be getting progressively worse as I type this... life updates will have to wait for a little bit while my body repairs itself.
