soliloquy

This may end up being one of those posts that I never finish or choose to delete once I write it out. That would be a general indication that this post will be personal in nature, so of very little interest to anyone but myself. But I'm in need of a venting session. I was frustrated today and finding it difficult to pretend to be cheery. I was beginning to feel useless, but then late in the afternoon I received a small morsel of good news. I'm waiting for the rest of it.

I've spent the majority of the summer being very self-involved. It was all about sorting things out for myself, dealing with the end of a relationship and working on a project that would hopefully help me bridge into something extremely exciting. I've been social, I've been solitary. I've been taking the same self portrait over and over. Me, alone, standing in front of my window, trying to look positive, sometimes succeeding. But mostly, I've been walking. A walk which today I put off yesterday because I didn't sleep all so well the past couple of nights and I didn't want to go out during the peak heat of the afternoon.

I've had a few offers over the summer from people who have wanted to join me on my daily constitutional. But to be perfectly honest, I actually enjoy the solitary stroll. There's something about walking alone with some music to drown out the sound of the traffic that I find relaxing. I'm free to daydream as I wish and I don't have to worry about making interesting conversation. My walks are about the only time that I really love being alone.