After spending the day feeling less than terrific (Aryn and I were up until two in the morning finishing moving from our apartment, many hours behind schedule) I am finally allowing myself to be really excited about our new space. We've owned the loft for almost five months but the prospect of living here has always seemed more dream than reality. I had a picture in my mind of what the space was going to turn out like, but as we tore up the floor and knocked down walls, I became more and more disillusioned with the idea of picking up from the apartment that I was comfortably settled in, moving to this new living area that we had tore apart.

But now, as I'm sitting here enjoying the evening sun through my west facing windows I'm glad that we took the risk and went through with buying this place and renovating it. Thanks to all of my friends (and my friends through Aryn as well) who helped us tear this place apart and put it back together. Without their help I don't think I would be able to enjoy the evening sunset as much as I am now.

I'm sitting on the one remaining cushioned chair left in our apartment after a full day of moving. Despite having moved most of the large items into a storage room in the new building, our apartment still appears to be rather full. Nearly fifty boxes sit full of books in the other bedroom and our closet is still jam packed with clothes. It seems like we are never really going to move into the new place, that we will forever be living divided between two houses.

I spent a lot of the day driving though parts of the city that I don't normally get to see. As a pedestrian living downtown, my view of Edmonton is usually limited to a several block radius around where I live and work. I suppose that's not unusual for anyone. We tend to spend our days trapped in the regular pattern on going to and from work... maybe occasionally venturing outside of our safe little sphere to attend some social function of purchase something that is otherwise unavailable in the little world that we confine ourselves to. The ordinary can sometimes become boring, and boring can quickly become ugly. It was good to shake up the regular routine today. At no point could I claim to be bored or really lament about ugliness surrounding me. Instead I got to imagine the lives of the people who live in these neighbourhoods that Aryn and I passed on our drive to and from the various U-Haul locations across the city (long story short, we arrived at the south location only to discover that our reservation was in fact for another location across the city). I suppose imagining what sort of people lived in these houses helped me to ignore the increasing levels of stress related to our move.

I’m afraid though that I can find no coping mechanism for my increasing levels of stress related to my computer right now. My wireless connection is being very finicky and I can’t seem to stay connected for more than a couple minutes at a time. I think I will have to put off what I’m trying to finish today until tomorrow. I will do tomorrow what I would rather do today.

Somehow, without my knowing it, I must have pleased the gods of the housing industry (only my sister and my cousin would understand that reference) enough for them to grant me a loft as my first owned property. I don't know how it happened... slowly but surely I have transitioned into a young urban professional. All I need now is a small Pomeranian that fits in my purse that I can take to the market on weekends.

These ridiculous musings though are not serving to distract me from my high level of frustration right now. There are numerous fantastic things going on in my life... my relationship is extremely positive and makes me happy, I'm going to be living in a fantastic location in a space that I like and own... but part of me still feels stagnant. I know that a lot of it is due to this low period of productivity that I am enduring. I just can't seem to kick it. I know it's going to be over soon. I just haven't been able to concentrate.

I'm a bit upset at the moment. My sister and her friend have been planning to move to Edmonton for a couple months now. They put in an application for our apartment building a few weeks ago, and received a call that they had a suite in the building. Yesterday, the rental office called to tell them that they either needed to provide proof of employment in Edmonton or get a consignor. So I went in and signed the forms for them, thinking things were all settled and they had nothing to worry about any more. However, today they were told that their application was rejected and because the rental office had no legal obligation to tell them why they were rejected they had no idea why. This was really ridiculous. I called the office to ask for more info, since I couldn't quite understand what would have been wrong with my credit (I've lived in the same building for a year, Aryn for two), but apparently it has nothing to do with me but probably more to do with the fact that they don't have jobs yet. I was angry, and I wanted to talk to the manager, but the girl on the phone told me that she was out to lunch (which I found quite amusing but could only laugh on the inside). What I don't understand is if they were really concerned about employment status then why did they bother to ask for a consignor? It really doesn't make any sense. Basically they just denied me (a current tenant who has not been a problem and regularly pays rent) from extending my lease. As a consignor I was liable for their rent... that's the whole point of getting a consignor. Apparently though they operate differently at that office. I am truly displeased with the service of this rental office. They put my sister is a really awkward situation because since they told her that she had a suite in the building she gave notice at her current residence. Now where is she supposed to live? What is even more annoying is that this building does not require that you are employed while you are living there. The majority of the people who live there are students... and when I moved in I didn't have a job and neither did my roommate. Grrrr...

Back when I was an insomniac/night owl and I couldn't sleep, I used to edit photos or compose emails late in the evening. These activities allowed me to utilize my restless brain and eventually lull me to sleep. However, as I currently share space with another individual I can't really keep my laptop by my bed and pull it out whenever I can't sleep. Usually I will lie awake with endless thoughts running through my head, however tonight I am altogether too alert. Perhaps it is the coffee I had after dinner... coffee being a beverage I rarely indulge in (although I'm not quite sure that the caffeine in coffee would really have that adverse affect on me, an admitted Cola-holic).

Tonight, while attempting to sleep, I couldn't help but be distracted with feelings of guilt that I have been avoiding my photography lately. Sure I can claim that I've been busy with condo renos, but I've been making no effort to go out and take pictures in the past few months. Because of this lack of creative activity, there really is no mystery as to why I've been feeling rather withdrawn from some of my former online haunts. Having posted nothing to my photostream in months I almost feel like I have no reason to post comments on others photos. It's difficult even to look at other photos because it makes the lack of my own new work even more painfully apparent. There is really no way to solve this problem other than to set aside time to devote to taking and posting photos. I just have to make it a priority to go out one afternoon and take photos. I'm going to be in Vancouver on the weekend so perhaps I'll be inspired then. I'll have no other responsibilities so I will have no excuses. I've been saying this for a while though and I haven't been acting on it. Oh, this weekend I'll devote to photos, No... next weekend. And what has come of it? Nothing.

The apartment is quiet tonight. Only a few more weeks in this place and then we move to the new condo. Yesterday Wade came over to help us frame the new walls, and next week while I'm away all the mudding and taping will take place. I should be back just in time to take on my job of painting the new walls. Then Aryn and I will figure out how to install the new kitchen and then process of moving all of our belongings will take place. I will probably have a repeat of these late nights as I adjust to the sounds of the new apartment. The sounds of the street will be quieter I think (thanks to better windows). I won't be able to hear the rumblings of the motorbikes as the cruise up and down 109th at all hours of the evening. I think perhaps I have emptied my brain enough to warrant a second try at sleep. Somehow the combination of the click of the keyboard (a $19.99 wireless special from FutureShop across the street) and the gentle rocking motion of this Ikea classic (Poang chair leftover from Aryn's university days) have helped to prepare me for bed. This might be the right sleep inducing technique after all.

I looked on my photostream today and was slightly shamed to see that I hadn't posted anything since March 24th. I can make hundreds of excuses, like I've been busy with preparing for my renovations and upcoming move to the new place, but really when I've picked up a camera lately I haven't done anything with it. I seem to be experiencing a similar phenomenon with posting to my blog. I started numerous posts, only to delete them. This post might suffer the same fate if I'm not careful.

Today I'm two months away from my 25th birthday. This realization does not really fill me with any sense of nostalgia for my lost youth, or the desire to tally up my accomplishments so far in life. Instead I'm rather focused on the present, looking forward to the noon when I will rush home in the rain to eat lunch with Aryn (who has the benefit of an earned day off every other Friday). I will then rush back to work and not have the opportunity to stop and appreciate the city in the rain, although if the stench of drowning worms is still in the air I won't mind so much.

I found out about a magazine project that is starting up here in the city. The details are pretty slim, but basically the project is a new program for people between the ages of 15 and 30 yeras old. The challenge of the Project is for 10 people to produce a 48-page full color magazine in 5 months. This includes things like advertisement sales, writing feature articles, photography, interviews, reviews, media, writing and editing. Basically you do it all. However, with my adult responsibilities (property=financial obligations) I'm not as free to follow up on my fanciful pursuits as I once was. The positions are paid and full-time, but the wage works out to about $7/hr. Sure you can make sacrifices for a few months, if you take into account the experience you will garner from participating in the project, but I cannot afford to live off $7/hr for five or six months. So I will continue my journey through the non-profit world, making ends meet but not really progressing creatively. However I know that this too shall pass.