Just a quick post to report that I have had two more hours added to my schedule for the next few months... it might go to the end of the year but nothing is certain.

I'm very pleased with the change to my schedule.

Tonight I'll celebrate by ordering the equipment I need for my upcoming (read: paying) photoshoots.

anyone have any suggestions as to what photos I should include in a portfolio?

I'm thinking of organizing it by colour... but I'm not sure. I don't even know how many to include.

seeking suggestions through comments here or on my flickr photostream.

I read this last night in the new book I started.

"Our thoughts are all we have. I love my thoughts, even when they take me up and down sour-smelling byways where I'd rather not venture. Whatever flickers on in my head is mine and I want it, all the blinking impulses and inclinations and connections and weirdness, and especially those bright purple flares that come streaming out of nowhere, announcing that you're at some mystic juncture or turning point and that you'd better pay attention."

--Carol Shields, Swann

When I'm in Edmonton for Spring Break I'm going to the opera. Well, it's still a might at this point... but even with it only still being an idea at this point and it ebing more than a month away, I'm still excited about it. There are several "high culture" activities that I've always wanted to do... one being attending the Opera, others being attending ballet and symphony orchestra performances. I can't claim to be a connoisseuir of any of these activites... I think I would appreciate them all just for the talent involved... but a large reason for my wanting to partake in any and all of these activities is all the preparation and being able to see it as an event. There's just a certain formality involved - the dressing up, the official tickets... and the infrequency of it all in my life. I'm looking forward to it, a lot.

I really do wonder what people wear to the opera though. Not being part of the "opera crowd" I'm not familiar with the faux pas of dress and wouldn't want to appear gauche. I suppose it really doesn't matter all that much... I can use my imagination. Today I did find a lovely dress that I think I can wear though. My sister-in-law and I went down to check out the remnants of Zellers stock since sin-mart has forced it to close down... and not finding anything useful (we were looking at the industrial shelving...) we wandered through the mall and then checked out the sales rack in one of the stores. I was pleased with my find as I usually don't find things that fit me on the sales rack - and the price was about the same as a new book. I would tell you more about it, but that would spoil the surprise.

I'm deadly tired though. After work today I organized my next photoshoot, had my hair trimmed and colour touched up... and then I went shopping. So, I didn't end up eating until close to 5pm today. Probably not the best thing. And my feet are sore.

oh well, it was all in the name of the opera.

It seeems that I do not sleep anymore. Not at night anyways. Where did all my sleep go?

It's cold outside today, nearly minus 20 although supposedly sunny. Yesterday I endured the worst snow walking conditions of the winter, with cold winds, heavy snow and uncleared sidewalks (it was the weekend and I was out of the house before most people were up). I don't want weather like this... what happened to the predictions of an early spring? But I suppose that an early spring doesn't mean that we won't have a miserable winter for what time is remaining of the season.

Such boring talks about weather I know, but I'm trying to wean myself of first thing in the morning emails that include a lot of this... this being prattle.

so good morning world... I'm glad you were here to listen.

sometimes I wonder why I bother with email or phone... they mess up my concept of time... they create unreasonable expectations that I can somehow mimic face to face conversation.

such is not true... neither can replace seeing a person.

but all outlets have been exhausted... even this one... just random musings to a seemingly random audience.

Sometimes I am bad to my bones and I drink a lot of pop. It's a bad habit... but most of my immediate family has this flaw. I wouldn't quite say that any of us are caffeine addicts, but Coca-Cola does not last long in my house. But it's really one of those things that if it's not around us we don't miss it... we only drink it because it is there. So, when we are smart we don't buy it. I don't usually buy Coke at all... when I lived on my own I usually spent my money on cranberry juice which had just the right combination of sweetness and tartness. However, tonight... after more than a month of not having any type of cola product in the house... I came home to find a box of Coke opened and taunting me with it's shiny red cans and classic script lettering. And without realizing it I drank four cans (they weren't ice cold so I drank them rather quickly). It was ridiculous... I didn't even know what I was doing... maybe because I followed every can with a glass of water.. which eliminated the cola taste in my mouth.

I usually don't notice the effects of caffeine, usually because I consume it in moderation (somewhat)... but over a course of the two hours following my four can binge I found myself in a fury of thought... my mind was humming at top speed and I was fidgety and agitated about the state of the world and my lack of studio lighting equipment. I wondered why I was so worked up but then I realized that it must be the caffeine surging through my system. I'm staying away from that stuff... that liquid adrenaline... it's wreaking havoc on my melancholy.

I've decided that my life is much more exciting in photos that is in real life... mostly because you can only see tiny bits of here and there in my pictures and if you saw the rest you'd be mostly bored and then a little frightened that the same fate might await you.

there's a space between me and you.

you being the singular kind.

you being the royal kind.

I could step towards you but the space pushes you back.

we end up ten steps away from where we started

but no closer than where we left.

this is me happy.

yes, this is me happy.

happy, but about things that are intangible.

you see... the space between you and me.

it never goes away.

how's that for a melancholy blog post?

I had this beautiful plan tonight to go to bed early, but my mind and body seem to be in disagreement all of a sudden. Neither seem to agree what really should be done.

Tonight I realized how much time there is until June. I have many long weeks to pass with my few hours of work and my various vanity projects. But at least these things are keeping me relatively happy as I like my job and I'm passionate about photography. Not a bad mix.

and I've been in a poetic mood of late... having been introduced some poets that I was unaware of until very recently. Here's some verse to ponder.

Passion makes the old medicine new:
Passion lops off the bough of weariness.
Passion is the elixir that renews:
how can there be weariness
when passion is present?
Oh, don't sigh heavily from fatigue:
seek passion, seek passion, seek passion!

[Jalal Al-din Rumi]

bon nuit.