I'm now on my third laptop since 1999. There's something particularly satisfying about being able to carry a computer around with you... typing in semi recumbent positions, moving away from being locked at a desk all the time. My newest computer is the most portable of the bunch... and is rather lovely to port around. If I think about how much time I spend in front of the computer it's a little depressing. But with the weather as it's been for the last couple days (spring snowstorm) I haven't had much desire to do a whole lot of anything.

I hadn't blogged anything in months, and this post isn't much to speak of... but I have a couple huge papers coming up so I felt that I should get used to typing late in the night on this computer.

If I were to choose another line of work I think I would go into cinematography. Although I love still photography, there is also something about capturing movement that really appeals to me. When I finally get a new computer, I'd also like to get a video camera. But who can afford two such expensive hobbies?

I'll have to make it work somehow. After I watch a movie that has great visuals I'm always inspired to go out and try something different with my photography. However, I also want to record things in real time. There are things that the still camera doesn't record. For the time being however, I'll continue to try to think like a cinematographer.

Ahh, half an hour of time just for me. Well I did have half an hour, but I ate lunch at my desk and was interrupted and had to get back to work on a time sensitive document.

Yesterday afternoon I was ready to crack. I had been editing a document all morning and I had got to the point where I couldn't think of making any more changes. So I went for a walk around the block. I was out for about two songs on my ipod (so six minutes), but even that brief break provided enough relief to get me through the day.

Spending all day inside, looking away from the windows, I seldom get to see the activity on the street during the day. I liked being able to go for a short stroll, smiling at the elderly fellow who was out for what I can only assume was his daily constitutional. There were students on their way home from class, and the assorted other citizens running into Shoppers Drug Mart for a quick errand. I don't get to experience any of this from my cube. Although, if I turn my head I can see the sky.

Mood is considerably improved today. My self prescribed dose of art therapy did the trick I think. My photo team and I are busy planning our next session.

Tomorrow will be happier. I'll only allow myself to have one super rotten day.

This evening I went through my archives and tried to pull out photos that showcased my varying style. I needed to be inspired by my old work. I think it helped.

I go through periods where I am relatively light hearted and stress free. Today is not one of them. I couldn't sleep last night and lay awake composing letters I will never send. I've been enduring a long period of writer's block, which has extended from my academic work to my personal life. I have pages of information stored in my head, and the beginnings of thoughtful pieces scribbled in my notebook. This material doesn't move anywhere, it doesn't become anything. This feeling that I have too much that I'm keeping to myself has become a bit overwhelming, and I feel physically tired and sick from the weight of it.

Oh poor unloved blog... how I have forsaken you.

I have never developed this space into anything of real value, so there are often period of many weeks where I have nothing to say or think what I have to say is of little interest to anyone but me. However, I've been composing posts since 2004 and it would be a shame to give it up now.

So for now I'll fill the void with tales of my recent photo explorations. I've made some new friends in the past few months and among these friends I've made the gleeful discovery that at least two are photographically inclined like me. I proposed the idea of a photographical slumming and they were both keen to participate. Thus Team Awesome Photo Club was born. The name in itself demonstrates the type of fun we've had together so far. We're almost constantly joking about things that I'm sure only we find funny.

We seem to only take photos when there is a severe wind chill warning on, both times we have gone out together it has hovered around the minus forty mark. I make mention of this because it demonstrates our commitment to our craft. Our next meetup is going to be inside though. Our cameras don't last that long in the cold.

It's interesting to be shooting with more people again. I had been feeling that I was looking at things in the same way and looking at the images of my comrades has freshened up my perspective.

Yesterday we took the LRT to Clareview, and explored the unattractive batch of condo complexes that sit on either side of the Park n' Ride lots at the end of the line. It was rather depressing to see these complexes in person. The buildings were uninspiring, the location (although close to the LRT) left much to be desired. Lauded in the developer's advertisements as being close to all amenities, all of the shopping consisted of bland big box developments. It was a sad sight. If the fifteen for sale signs were any indication, the residents of those complexes were not too happy with their environment either. Yet there were signs of more construction, and the grander complex was also attempting to sell affordable living starting at $239 000.

We broke for tea and light refreshments mid morning and then returned to the great outdoors heading towards Chinatown where a parade celebrating the Chinese New Year was set to begin. The parade wasn't particularly exciting, but despite the weather there was a reasonable turnout. I didn't bring the right lens for the event and my photos are all lacking something. After the parade we randomly selected a local restaurant for lunch, then stopped at the Italian Bakery for dessert. I've realized that I've skipped any interesting details of the day, but I'm tired from my company's winter gala that I went to last night and I don't have the energy to type up a witty account of my day. It's an attempt nonetheless, one day my words will return.

I hit the mid week wall. I'm exhausted and I've been dealing with tasks that should have been quite simple, but were made tedious by a slow and uncooperative computer. So I'd like to take a short mental health break to vent. However, my inner censor is preventing me from saying what I really want to say.

I shall remain mute in the corner.

It seems pointless to break the silence only when I'm in the mood to rant, but I'm feeling particularly foul today for no particular reason. I had a good weekend, I'm caught up with school, we've made a few more additions to the house and the sun is setting later in the day. But for some reason I just feel mad and need some relaxation time.

a little light therapy perhaps.

Posted above is my new dining room lamp. It hasn't been installed yet, but is hanging over the table as a suggestion of light to come.

If my flickr photostream is any indication of all I've been up to (which it is not), then it would seem that all I do is knit. Both fortunately and unfortunately this is not the case. After a period of high stress I started a new job before Christmas and I've been adjusting to the new work demands and balancing that with half-hearted attempts to do school-work and avoiding household chores.

And yet the time disappears. It seems that I never leave the house with my camera (it's been too cold) and the night seems even darker than it was before the holidays. January is a cold and dreary month. What have I to look forward to though - visions of Trinidad!

I'm going to Trinidad!

not right now though... it's still cold and miserable outside. I still have a few months to wait.