how to feign excitement and enthusiasm without really trying...

what they call "off-broadway" © Raffaella Loro

The oft quoted line from Shakespeare tells us that we're merely players in the stage production we call life. And life, as we know it, tends to mix the tragedy and the comedy. Currently my life is that wickedly humourous blend of both and I know that in order to get through it I need to embrace the comedic elements and (to use more cliche references, but this time corporate references) just power through.

And that's what I'm doing. But at the same time I feel stalled, my own motivation is only getting me so far. I'm waiting for response about a potential awesome work contract, I'm waiting for results about my iron levels, I'm waiting for other things to stop. It's all very frustrating but there is nothing different than I can do. In my last couple days at work one of my coworkers mentioned to me that I seemed awfully calm about not knowing what was happening with my new contract. But really, what can I do? I developed an awesome project from scratch and brought it to the point where it was ready to launch (talk about turn-key solution), I let the appropriate people know the details of my situation, I help to present about the project and help secure approval for it. Basically I got everything to the point where things where the final decision was out of my hands. And now I wait. Sure it is a constant roller-coaster of feeling hopeful and then utterly dejected. But that's how any job hunt is. If it happens, it happens. I will continue to remind the powers that be that I exist, but I will also continue to look for something else because I can't wait around forever, even if this opportunity looks perfect on paper. Paper is not real (unless that piece of paper is a contract to sign).

Meh... perhaps I need an outlet to vent my frustrations today. Everything is just piling up all at once and I just wish I could eliminate at least one item of uncertainty. That isn't so much to ask is it?

Oh well, at least if I am not inwardly calm I can appear so on the outside. My one consolation is that I have been on a real creative streak and I've been very happy with the photos I've taken recently. I feel like my summer has been well documented and that I've been appreciating the beauty of the ordinary a lot more than usual. But I don't want to be that kind of tortured artist, one who is only inspired when life is at its dullest.