Ode to Three Waitresses


Postscript... The Love Affair of Carol

Carol the Waitress hails from Newfoundland. At least I think that she does, my memory fails me somewhat. I only met her the one time after my disastrous cinematic experience that was Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Companion Wader knew Carol much better. He takes all his lady friends to Humpty's to meet Carol. What a way to keep them guessing.

When Carol lived in Newfoundland she drove a rather large car. Make, Model, or Year I do not recall, but her car had a push button, apparently some kind of shifting mechanism. Again, my memory fails me on this one.

But only shortly before... The snow was still falling when we left the Aurora. But the night was still young, the horror of Sky Captain was seared on our brains... and Wader had neglected to return some items from a recent pirating operation, so in his white chariot we raced, heated seats and all, along the desurfaced road to his house. The chariot did admirably well considering the conditions, but nothing replaces a big manly truck on ugly FSJ roads. This is why I moved to the city... I wanted to leave trucks behind me. I am a pedestrian, and FSJ is not pedestrian friendly (as was evident by the many times drivers have attempted to run me over on a crosswalk). Wader didn't ask me in for evening drinks, he knows I am too much of a lady for that. However, I am not so much a lady that I didn't leap at the opportunity for a little wild behaviour with wicked wader. We threw caution to the wind and took the truck bypass to save the the wheels of wader's white chariot.

"Where shall we go," queried Wade with a questionable tone. "Damnit," I declared, "don't make demands of me!" Reluctantly we arrived on a consensus. Humpty's Family Restaurant loomed to the right of us, KalTire to the left.... both are core to the Fort St. John experience, but it was late... and KalTire wasn't open so no complementary popcorn or coffee for us.

Enter Humpty's... Waitress One approaches "Smoking or Non-Smoking?"... I think for a split second but then I remember all the hype about second hand smoke and I go for non. Wader won't be able to indulge in a good cigar during our evening meal. He doesn't seem too disappointed, but perhaps that is because Carol, his good friend from Newfoundland is Waitress Two. I can't think of an appropriate theme song for Wade and Carol. Their affection startles me. At one point in the evening Carol presses Wade's head to her breast. She also squeezes his head lovingly. Wader has a dirty secret and he's not telling anyone.

Waitress One and Waitress Three feature very little in this story. One brings me toast and is berated by Carol. The other has very poor hygeine and sneezes multiple times but then does not wash her hands. She did not bring us our food, but I am still frightened.

But back to Carol and her car. The snow outside lets her reminisce back to the good ol days when she and her friends would go to the bar in the winter and she would pile everyone into her giant car... and they would be the only car that could make it up the hill on Murphy Lane. She laughs to herself as she thinks about Office O'Reilly who always knew that they had been to the bar, and the time when one car came ripping around the corner and slammed into the lamp post. Carol is sadistic, no wonder W feels a connection with her.

Carol has a hard life as a waitress at Humpty's. Young punks were in the other night throwing creamers about. She had to tell them repeatedly to stop or they would have to leave. Young punks in FSJ don't listen to waitresses like Carol. Waitresses like Carol who aren't listened to call the cops. I wouldn't want Carol's life.

She's probably going to work soon. I hope that the snow is gone, because Carol doesn't have her big car anymore.


  1. It's exactly as I remember it. Except she is from Nova Scotia, and you forgot to mention what else trucks are great for; speeding past us and then doing 180s on main street. ahhhh Fort St. John.